Wednesday, November 30, 2011


it was a little scary and sad last night, as I almost gave up... BUUUTTTTTTTT

I finished! with 22 words extra!

helllllll yeeeeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaah, ladies and gents!

also, it's totally true, I wrote 15,006 words between midnight and now.

I'm just a little insane right now. in fact, this is what the inside of my brain looks like:

um. yep.

But really, I'm exhilarated because I basically have act 1 of my book done. I'm beyond excited. I can't wait to start using contractions in my writing and not have odd verbose descriptions and ridiculous run on sentences and paragraphs that don't make sense and--wait--that's my typical writing style.

Basically I'm just excited to use contractions again. ha.

Now it's time to retire with a glass of congratulatory bourbon and some Madmen, thanks to my early christmas presents from Addie:

Yes, I am officially a Blu-Ray convert. I know, I'm a sell out. But I'm a very high quality sell out. And amazingly enough, the picture isn't grainy and stupid like I thought it would be. So that's a plus.

And as promised two blogs ago, tomorrow I'll post all the delicious awesomeness that was Thanksgiving 2011.

I'm so full of smug and awesome right now. I'll be kickin the dirt off my shoulders all night, folks. :D

Tuesday, November 29, 2011



13,871 WORDS LEFT.

(guess who was too busy partying and thanksgivinging to write last week? just like she said she would be but swore to herself she wouldn't?)





Monday, November 28, 2011


There's a 35% chance that I will make my word count by Dec. 1.

There's just like. WAY TOO MUCH going on right now. And I have to deal with ALL of it.


I promise to post a ginormous picture filled blog that no one really care about tomorrow about the awesomeness that was Thanksgiving 2011. fer ser.

Monday, November 21, 2011

Nano: Day 20

words written: 6,630

time spent in front of computer: almost 10 hours

seasons of Breaking Bad finally watched: 1.5 (this show is SO GOOD. why did I wait so long to start watching it? also, weirdly sexually attracted to Bryan Cranston. story for another blog)

current state of brain: gushy

feeling like:

actually kinda looking forward to not writing tomorrow.

oh FML addie just reminded me that I have to pack. And I think my cobbler is burning D:

EDIT: cobbler was not burnt. Cobbler is perfect.

Sunday, November 20, 2011

Nano: Day 19, The Pot Luck Thanksgiving

words written: 0

pounds of delicious food eaten at Nich and Krista's delicious Pot Luck Thanksgiving: about 700

good times had: about a million

our lubly hosts

my fantastic socks

Unfortunately, we got there about an hour late because I'm awesome and thought I could get to Charlotte in an hour and a half, but really it was two hours and we were already running like twenty minutes late (Audrey Time fail), so I forgot to take pictures of the MASSIVE FEAST in lieu of getting down on peppercorn grill shrimp and jam-topped brie and about 5 glasses of pre-dinner wine (classy)

I never want for tasty treats
But there was a huge, deep fried turkey, like, 500 pounds of cheesy mashed potatoes, yummy stuffing (did you know that in the South, stuffing is called dressing? weird), candied yams (which I tried for the first time, and they were AMAZING, how did I go this long being so weird about candied yams?) my famous Baltimore Style Green Bean Casserole, Indian potato pancakes (imagine all your favorite Indian spices pounded into a Yiddish Potato Pancake--and damn, it was fucking delicious. I must learn how to make them) and like 4 pies and jell-o. All in all, much delciousness was had by all.

food aftermath...

and pies!
including the first Key Lime Pie to steal my heart
Now that I think about it, I got turned on to two foods that I normally recoil from in horror when I'm offered them (yams, key lime pie). So I'd say it was a Banner Evening for Audrey. I guess I'm getting more adventurous as I get older. More daring. Maybe next year I'll start eating fruit.  


And Addie got to with me this time! He vowed to be the "creepy guy sitting in the corner, rubbing his belly and drinking a juice box all night"

but thankfully, he ran out of juice boxes on the drive up.  He was, instead, his normal sarcastic self.

And he got to meet and play with Boomer, aka He Who Shall Not Sit Still For Pictures

he and Addie were instant best friends. Addie tried to steal him. True story.
And after we left, still full on awesome Thanksgiving dinner, we made a pilgrimage for a take out order from Qdoba, because we are fatties and there is no Chipotle or Qdoba in Asheville and this was like Super Homecoming.

mm, steak burrito
and Fatties still, there was an emergency stop at Cook Out, just to see if they really did have 40 different flavors of milkshake. And they did. And we ordered some.

They were also excellent, if not so thick that it took 4 hours for them to thin out so we could drink them.

I fell asleep basically twenty minutes after we got home, and slept straight through to 11:30 this morning. Basically, I got 13 hours of sleep. So now I'm all prepared for the 7000 words I have to write today, to make up for yesterday, to get my count today, to catch up on my overall word count, and to make up for tomorrow, because I'll be working and driving 8 hours to NoVA all day tomorrow.

7000 words.

that's a shit ton of work. And this is how I feel about that:

 Time to get to the grind...

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Nano: Day 18

words written: 1,098

total word count: 28,378 (over half way there!! which is good, considering this next week will wreak havoc on my word count)

length of work week: too long

intensity of work week: too intense

number of spider crickets I have straight up SLAUGHTERED this week: 6

best thing to happen today:
coming home and getting this card in the mail from my mom

Seriously, my mom is awesome :) I'm glad we share the same kind of humor. And the same fondness for western medicine.

Second best thing to happen today: eating terrifying potatoes

have you ever seen the smiley face McCain potato pancakes?

Crispy on the outside, mashed potato on the inside? In a seemingly bizarre shape? Hell yeah!

I've wanted to try them for years. And a few weeks ago, I was in a particularly saucy mood, so I bought them. I bought them, brought them home, and immediately threw them in the freezer and forgot about them. Until today.

Let me tell you.

They are a little really disturbing.

oh... oh mah gaw
Seeing all those tiny smiling faces that I was about to MURDER BY BAKING was quite unsettling. And there is something so creepy and haunting about this picture.To quote my friend Paul: "every face represents an individual pure soul"

which was really odd, because when I held my camera over the tato's, the face recognition software picked up on most, but not all of the little faces.

some of those souls weren't so pure

To futher quote my friend Paul, "If you put [that pic] on facebook, the recognition software will start recommending you tag them with random missing children." And then I thought of the best, most awesome new TV show ever: a woman who works in a grocery store, but can solve murders by seeing victims and clues in her food--except for dairy, because she's lactose intolerant. The only thing she sees in dairy foods is the ghost of her dead aunt who died mysteriously in a Dairy Related incident. It's the one case she can't solve. It's the one case that haunts her. It's the one case that drives her to become---THE FOOD GHOST WHISPERER .

I know, right? I'm calling up HBO ABC Family as soon as I'm done with this entry.

now, I know I've said before that I can't eat anything if I can see its face. However, I'm also a hypocrite.

Because these faces are delicious.

Especially when dipped in spicy barbeque sauce.


Friday, November 18, 2011

Nano: Day 16 & 17

Day 16: The Disappointment

words written: 0

amount of clothes purchased that will be returned as soon as they come in: too much

lesson learned: pain killers and online shopping do not mix.

awesomeness of the day: Addie devised a budget for me. Then, he bought me Chasing Amy on bluray. d'aww

Day 17: The Adequacy

words written: 2,039

number of people standing on the street corner in the "Occupy Hendersonville" crowd: 7

awesomeness of the day: Addie found all the Planet of the Apes sequels and DVR'd them for me. yay!

can't wait to have a POTA marathon when this NaNoWriMo nonsense is over.


Tuesday, November 15, 2011

Nano: Day 15

words written (so far): 866

length of post work nap: 4 hours

feeling like: crud (I hate it when coma naps go bad)

currently watching: original Planet of the Apes

feeling: pretty creeped out

cannot stop singing this song:

best conversation today:

mom: so how are things going, nano girl?

me: pretty good. I mean I just write, sleep, go to work, write, sleep.

mom: but isn't that the life you wanted?

me: yeah... that's what I signed up for. And it's awesome.

and really, it basically is.

I love coming home from work and actually looking forward to writing time. And that's all I'm going to say about it right now because I'm terrified I'm going to jinx it and wake up tomorrow with a terrible case of AGHHHH CAN'T WRITE I HATE MYSELF BETTER EAT THIS BLOCK OF CREAM CHEESE.

Monday, November 14, 2011

Nano: Day 14

An exchange:

(We have just finished watching Piranha, which Addie picked out. I am sitting at my desk, staring blankly at my computer, willing myself to write)

(20 minutes later)

Addie: how's it coming?

me: I don't know. I think Piranha killed my writing buzz.

Addie: How about you just watch Twilight again?

me: How about you just shut your face? 

Addie: What? It helped you out of a slump once, it might again. Whatever gets you through!

(10 minutes later)

Addie: You're watching it aren't you?

Me: shut up...

To whatever gets you through, ladies and gents.

even if it is horribly, horribly shaming.

edit: this is my 100th post and I just wasted it on Twilight. 

edit. Twilight did not help.

further edit: 2000 words written. whaddup.

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Nano: Day 13

words written: 1671

number of bodice ripping period piece movies watched: 4 

mood: amazing


It's perfect. Right down to the "prosthetic" wang in his leather pants.

And it combines everything I love in life: The Doors, satire, Reading Rainbow, Indian in the Cupboard, electronic organs, handsome comedians...


Saturday, November 12, 2011

Nano: Day 12

words written: 1,698

total count: 20,704
amount of words I'm ahead by: 700

number of Cutest Damn Dresses in the World purchased because they were on sale, and shit, I deserve them: 2

antiquey lace!
so beautiful
looks like polka dots... bbutttt...
they're puppy faces! so effing cute
and ruffles. to die.
I'm basically too excited to wear them.

It's been a good day. fo sho.

Friday, November 11, 2011

Nano: Day 11

time I started writing:11 AM

time I finished: 7:20 PM

words written: 7,298

feeling like a:

Perfect Moments Experienced: 2

Last night, my dad called to check in on how my writing is going. (guess my last few posts have been kinda dire. oops) But he told me there's a Garrison Keillor story about him taking a train ride from Canada to New York, and losing a manuscript in the train's bathroom, and everyone on the train was like "just re-write it. You are the one who wrote it in the first place." which made GK be  like "screw off." That made me feel better about things.

So this morning I made what might have been the best pot of coffee I've ever made, and I googled "Garrison Keillor lost manuscript on train" until I found what I assume to be the closest version I could of the short story. And it's really great.

Love Story-- Garrison Keillor

I'm beyond happy that a) my dad reads my blog and b) loves to quote and tell stories about movies and books. Because the story sent me into inspirado over-drive and I got so much work done today. And at the risk of sounding douchy, it took my mind off how side-tracked I think my life is right now. Odd, but I'll take reassurance where I can get it. ha

And I love Garrison Keillor, too. I first heard A Prairie Home Companion when I was in 4th grade on a long family trip to Gettysburg. I was 10 and a skinny little nerd and I fell in love with it. I love his voice and the way he breathes into the microphone. I like the vaudeville humor, the Swede jokes and the bitter sweet stories and that old white guy who makes all the sound effects and the way I get choked up when I hear Lover's Waltz, a song I didn't give a crap about when I was young and flighty, but now that I'm old and emotional it makes me smile all crazy like.

 Ahhh, such a great song. Totally reminds me of the Legends of the Fall soundtrack.

Basically, hearing Garrison Keillor or reading his stories is like getting a hug from my parents. And that's always fantastic.


I took Bart for a walk around 5:30, and it was basically dusk, which reminded me that Daylight Savings Time happened this week. Our whacky neighbor was burning something in her sewage drain (what it was, I don't know. I assume it was something illegal or dangerous, or a body, but it smelled like burning leaves, and since that's a more peaceful image, I'm gonna go with that), and the smell sent Bart into a tizzy. He time warped into a puppy, and jumped and ran through all the leaves, which were a perfect gold because the setting sun was hitting them just right.

It was really brisk. My face froze just slightly and my lungs filled with cold air, and everything felt perfect.

And then Bart peed on my shoe.


Oh, and since this entry is like, 2 steps away from being entirely too sappy, I'll let you know that an 8 hour writing streak has caused my brain to snap and this is what I've been wearing for most of the day, convinced that the tutu is fueling my creativity.

leg warmers and all.
I think I've been watching Black Swan too much.

Thursday, November 10, 2011

Nano: Day 10

words written (as of yet): 0

days behind (as of yet): 3

words I need to have done by tomorrow night: 6,629

plan-less, full of writing days in this weekend: 3

I'm all:

will report back tomorrow.

Wednesday, November 9, 2011

NaNo: Day 9

words written: 467

moments when I needed to refer to finished draft of first chapter that took 3 days of revising to get just right: 10

hours spent searching in computers, jump drives, paper stacks, for the finished draft of first chapter that took 3 days of revising to get just right: 2.5

early shitty chapter one drafts found: 3

perfect, finished drafts found: 0

hours spent crying/sad napping: 2

lessons on weekly back up of novel work learned the hard way: 1

percentage of this situation that is straight up shit-tastic: 100


will re-group tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 8, 2011

NaNo: Day 8


So I didn't get any work done on NaNo tonight.

That's ok.

Because I've been thinking about my book in a positive and progressive way all mothaeffing week long.
that's right. all  2 days of it. (that's a good starting point shut up)

And I ate delicious food at the crock pot dinner party that shelby threw tonight and i'm eating ramen now because i drank too much at the crock pot dinner party that shelby threw tonight and ramen is a hangover preventative if i've ever met one.

it's hard to concentrate on anything now. i'm going to go babble and ramble to addie until he cant take it anymore and politely goes to walk the dog so i can pass out in peace.

but he tucks me in and says good night every night, even when i'm a mess, so i love him.

he's good people.

tomorrw=back on track.

Monday, November 7, 2011

Nano: Day 7

words written: 1,701

how I'm feeling:
totally what I look like at the moment
 what my home life has looked like for the last 7 days:

ethereal computer glow on the left, compliments of "back lighting", NaNoCheerleader compliments of Bart

what my nano-math looks like:
blog within a blog?
total words so far: 11,708

How I feel about that: sheeeeeeeeeit

what my first business cards look like:

(censored for the intarwebs)
how I feel about that:

Patrick Bateman style. Now all I wanna do is compare my card to others.

Sunday, November 6, 2011

Nano: Day 5 & 6

Day 5: Saturday, the Agony

time slept in til: 2 PM

insatiable movie cravings: 3

hours spent searching out said movies at Redbox and Blockbuster Express since I can't go to Blockbuster because I didn't take the job there and it's awkward now: 2

wrong addresses my GPS took me to: 2

amount of money spent on said movies after finally giving up and buying them at WalMart: $20

amount of money spent on Terrible Pizza: $20

amount of time spent angry napping: 90 minutes

number of times Tree of Life made me cry: 5

attempts to start writing at various points throughout the day: 700

number of terrible mood swings experienced: 700

number of times Addie considered moving out (for safety's sake): 7 or 8

words written: 527

Day 6: Sunday, the Glory

cups of delicious Swedish coffee consumed: 2

length of mind clearing, inspirado developing hot shower: 25 miutes

fucks given about length of shower: 0

flashes of writer's block breaking brilliance: 3

hours sat at the computer: 6

words written: 4,562

percentage of Purpose and Confidence of Self re-affirmed: 80

I'm officially caught up with my word count! Let's forget about the day of SUCK that was Saturday, and focus on how happy and productive and beautiful I feel about today. It's been glorious.

And of course, I've had my NaNoCheerleader reassuring me/begging for my attention all weekend, which has been really cute.

I think his chair is now a permanent part of my office...

aaaaaand I'm spent.

Saturday, November 5, 2011

Nano: Day 4

words written: 1,066

length of post-work nap: 230 minutes


percentage of hormones not succombing to horrible PMS monster: 7-8

personal demons conquered: 0

personal demons with whom I made a pact with in order to better write stories: 2

best google image search of horrible PMS monster:

startlingly true in so many ways
second place:

tomorrow will be filled with good music, good words, good food, and awesome.

Thursday, November 3, 2011

Nano: Day 3

words written: 0

Save the Date Cards Made for Engaged Sister: 2

Number of Save the Date Cards They Rejected: 1

don't worry--I'm saving the text for my save the dates
Energy to do Anything: -79

number of adorable baby animal videos viewed on YouTube: billion+

Will start writing in: 60 minutes

Wednesday, November 2, 2011

Nano: Day 2

words written: 2,938

percentage written tonight that will be deleted in December: 75

word count for two days met? Yes

word count total: 3,400

word count for two days exceeded? Yes (ever so slightly!)

Bart is my favorite Neurotic NaNoCheerleader
Onward to day 3!

Tuesday, November 1, 2011

NaNo: Day 1

episodes of How I Met Your Mother viewed while trying to write: 5

post-work cups of coffee that will likely keep me up all night: 3

words frantically written in 15 minutes before realizing I was late to pick up soup for increasingly sick boyfriend: 452

how many times I prayed to the Karma Gods that I don't get catch boyfriend sized sickness before my insurance becomes effective: 689,852,167 (give or take.)

so yes, off to a shaky start. also, there was frost on my windshield this morning. Which was a bummer considering I unconsciously hit the snooze button on my alarm like 7 times and woke up too late to walk to work.


that is, if I don't catch whichever mutant virus Addie is incubating... or the one that one of my co-workers might have brought into the office.
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