Sunday, May 29, 2011

First Spider *Update*

"he's... still alive?"
"yeah. with more victims."
"that's gotta be a sign."
"a scary sign."


Remember Champion Spider from the famous Spider Blog?

Well, it's been a few weeks, but he's even more more badass.

Before we left for vacation, I was vacuuming (way more effective/easier than sweeping) and saw that Champion was still alive, but victim-less. I figured he was dying, and that when we got home, there would be no trace of him.

Oh but I was wrong.

click for larger image, Mom. :)

When we got home, there were 3 spiders hanging in his web. This morning, 4 dead spiders lay on the ground. Champion Spider was just hanging out at the top of the web, looking justifiably triumphant.

I'm getting a little freaked out, not gonna lie.

Oh, and we had some real victims today.

Albie, the albino squirrel that lived in our neighborhood was run over. :(
And Addie's family's cat Simba had to be put down because of kitty cancer. :(

We've got some 40's, and we'll pour one for all the homies, (squirrel, kitty, spider, human) today. 

Memorial day, indeed.

Saturday, May 28, 2011

First Stupid Mistake

A Friday Afternoon: 

I'm putting my time to good use, browsing the internet, looking at memes, working very hard

WHAT'S THAT? Anthropologie's Second Nature Cardigan on Ebay? The one they don't sell on their website anymore?

Exactly how I felt. Who cares if it's like 80*, nearing summer, and I'm on extremely limited income?

 awwwww yeah.

WAIT-- better make sure I'm not going crazy on my credit card before I buy this.

uh... what?

Because I'm old, I have to put on my glasses to re-confirm that astonishing things are really astonishing 



This is the "inflated old man face" otherwise known as the "damnit I'm an idiot with money" face.

So wow! The funny thing about never using my credit card, is that I forgot how much I've used it. 

And I forgot that I bought a new computer and put a few grocery trips and some "oops forgot my debit card in my other purse" occasions on it.

It's kind of a bummer. Before I moved, I'd trained myself out of using the cards. And I'd been out of credit card debt for almost a year, and now it's maxed out. AGAIN?!

BUT, being the unflappable optimist/delusional nitwit that I am, I've found some silver linings:

--now I'm officially broke, as I don't want to pull money out of my savings
--at least it's only one card, with a low balance, and not 3 cards with kinda high balances, like before
--my APR is pretty low
--now I'm really not tempted to use it. At all. Ever again, that is.

So I made Addie, the responsible one, hide the card so I won't be able to get to it. 

He's like "I don't know why you'd put things on credit. After interest, it's like you're buying it twice. Or three times."
and I'm like "I don't know why you won't stop making sense."
I don't get what I don't get about credit cards. It's not like I haven't been in this situation before. I spent 2007-2010 paying off like, $14,000 in bad decisions. (serious). It's fundamentally bizarre how I can see money in my checking account and think it's all holy holy, but I have no qualms with "charging it" and "paying it later" with "interest" because that "makes sense." And that whole "if I don't have money for it right now, I don't need it" mentality? Yeah, who does that?

Oh, right, basically everyone I know.

BUT (2.0) we have a giant freezer full of food, a full wine rack (thanks mom!) and enough money for gas and rent and my student loan until August, when I will need to find a job, which is a few months sooner than I'd planned, but hey. Dem's the bricks. It just means that I can't squander any more time than I already have, and I can't spend any money til I get a job. 


In other news, who remembers this amazing song? I FINALLY found out who sings it, after many, many, many years of not catching the artist when I'd hear it on the radio.

Eww, a gnat just landed in my wine glass. 

And I'm watching Deliverance.  

I need to re-think what I'm doing with my life.

Thursday, May 26, 2011

First Trip Back to Virginia

I'm back!

I'm blistered and stiff and have a healthy loathing of I-81, but I'm back.

So officially we went home to work the gift shop at the Claude Moore Colonial Farm's Colonial Market Fair. And no, I didn't have to dress in Ye Olde Fashions, since I was in the gift shop, which is decidedly not time period appropriate. But, considering it's $100 to sit behind a counter, knit, eat delicious sausage sandwiches, google Lady Gaga videos, and occasionally answer a question about Colonial times while Addie does the actual work, I think it's a pretty sweet deal.

All in all, I'd say it was a pretty successful trip. And the next time I'm sad, sitting in a corner watching Say Yes to the Dress, eating spoons full of peanut butter and feeling like a friendless loser, I'll remember that I was home for 7 days and still couldn't fit in all the hanging out I wanted to do. my friends>your friends.

But yeah... walking into my old bedroom, which is now a sweet guest room, with my big packed bag was definitely an odd feeling. When I came home to visit during college, it always felt like I was going 'home." And when I was in my apartment, I only lived 25 minutes away, so it still felt like going "home." But now that I have a home with Addie, far away, my parent's house feels like, well, my parent's house. It was adulty in a way I wasn't really prepared for. It wasn't a bad feeling, just different. 


Addie's little sister Leah came to visit and brought her cat, Bow Tie Kitty, and her babies. Aaannnnd, I know I'm not a cat person, but we might adopt the last un-claimed kitty. UHHHOOOHHHH. The kitty's name is Conner (inside joke), and he's awesome. But, we have a month to think about it, since he's only a few weeks old. I need to decide if I want to adopt Conner, or keep pressing Addie for a puppy. Oh and figure out how to afford an animal. /frivolous detail

And my dad finished his master's degree, with something ridiculous like a 4.0 GPA. I'm glad he could copy my under grad papers and turn them in as his own. ;{) BIG UP'S, DAD! 

In other discovery news, I'm pretty convinced that I can't drive a car for more than 8 hours at a time. I remember when I was in college in on Long Island, I hit traffic on every hi-way, and it took me 10 hours to get home (a typical 5 hour trip). When I got out of the car, I was stiff as a board, and snappier than a pregnant woman with a dead beat boyfriend. It took me 2 days to unwind from that. And let's not talk about the 13 hour drive to NW Ohio that I unfairly subjected on my friend Paul. And yesterday, at exactly 8 hours on the road, all my muscles started to tense again. bleh. But the best news is, I get to drive back to NoVa next month! And the month after that! But for July, I hope Addie's car is taken care of and he can drive back. And by hope, I mean, I will demand that it is.

It seems like a lot of driving back and forth, but my mom's birthday is in June, and a bunch of friends and family are going to celebrate it at Wolfe Trap (an amazing pavilion/performing arts center in Mclean), seeing a Beatles cover band performance. I can't wait for lawn seats, finger foods, wine, and my dad embarrassing everyone in a 50 foot radius with his air guitar and post-Mod-pre-Republican-Tree-Geezer dance moves. It's going to be awesome! And then in July, we have another market fair to work. Woo, very limited source of income!

And now, for some pictoral highlights.

new hair! same smugness
dinner with big sister Mary, Mom and Mary's boobs!
digging for art in my big brother Shayne's basement!
lots of cuddle time with Lucy and Ellie
afore mentioned delicious sausage sandwich! ignore lack of manicure

baby piggies at the Colonial Farm!
re-teaching myself to knit! this will be a shawl.
drunk dress-up with Daron!
Our favorite Vietnamese place where the owner has memorized our order!
My grandmother's ring, professionally cleaned and Edward-sparkly!
bangin' pedicure!
Bart and his Kitty Kongregation!
sweet little Alien looking Conner!
Sleepy kitty!
Conner being adorable!
Bart being adorable!
kitties with their Mom, Bow Tie Kitty
Addie covered in kitties. and Bart!

So yes, hooray to the Commonwealth. But now it's back to slacking off. I was so busy running around and working that I didn't get any writing done while I was home /shameshame/ and now I'm looking at my white boards with dread... so tomorrow is 
Re-calibrating and Getting Back on Track Day!
also, it is laundry day. woop, woop. 

Tuesday, May 17, 2011

First off days

addie: ohmygod, check out this awesome floor plan I drew!
me: for us?
addie: no, for the house in my story.
me: your story?
addie: yeah!
me: aren't you supposed to be writing your story? that's like, the 5th floor plan or revised outline you've showed me in the last 3 days.
addie: well--
me: are you just looking for ways to distract yourself? "oh chapter one? no, first check out this awesome birth certificate I made for my main character. I need it for my plot"
addie: "I carved his silohette out of wood"
me: "I mapped out his entire DNA pattern!" 

ughhhh these last few days. We're both re-dic-u-lus-ly distracted.  I've fallen into that "wow, I'd rather re-grout the bathroom than write" trap.

But, tomorrow, we go back to Northern Va for a week, and then it's back to the (hopefully way more focused) grind. 

and I get to see this ball of sunshine and light:

My wiggly wuvly Lucy Monster! 

Monday, May 16, 2011

First Spider Blog

"Don't forget to clean up the body parts, or it'll attract others."
"I'm not going to clean it up. I want the others to come check it out, so I'm leaving its 8-eyed head on a spike. As a a warning."

Have I mentioned our free-loading roommates? 

The sketchy ones with weird eyes who don't pay rent, show up unexpectedly, and spend most of their time in the bathroom? 

Anyone guess spiders? Fuck yeah, spiders!

more like, eeeeuuughhhhhhh spiderrrrrrs.. /fetal position

Since I'm distracting myself from actual writing work, allow me introduce them, via the Spider Inventory, (which I've also been building in order to distract myself). {forgive my camera quality. No excuses, it just sucks--if  you couldn't tell by now}

First, Creeper Garage Spider

yeah, that's one of his eyes, glinting with evil.

This dude hangs out inside the garage near our entrance door. Most of the time he's peeking out from behind a shelf or something, but the other day he was out in the middle of the wall, being all "HEY WHATS UP IM A BIG SPIDER AND I LOOK KINDA FURRY."  

But yeah, while he's the biggest in size (and therefore, the most worrisome), I've looked it up, and I'm like 99.99% sure he isn't a brown recluse. And he doesn't really bother us, so we haven't evicted him yet. And it'll stay that way as long as he doesn't appear in our apartment.

He's just a creeper.
Champion Spider

Champion Spider is a really small, really round spider (not a black widow) who lives under the china closet we keep our dishes in. He's been there since I moved in, and even though we've moved the cabinet 3 time since, he's never relocated. We figured he's a badass, and since he was tucked away, we let him alone.

BUT THEN. We noticed that he was trapping larger spiders in his web. Like, spiders twice and three times his size. I'm pretty much too scared to evict him.

He's a champion.

Immortal Sink Spider


This one is the most troublesome. He hides out in the bottom of the bathroom trash can, in the bathroom sink, the shower, and most commonly, in the kitchen sink:


We had a week straight where we woke up to one or two of these in the kitchen sink. Seeing a spider that's sometimes the size of a quarter just chillin' in the sink is something that I'll never. ever. get used to. And pulling the trash bag out of the trash and having a spider the size of a dime drop off and on to my bare foot is DEFINITELY something I'll never. ever. want to get used to. 

And you can't just wash them down the sink. Why? Because they crawl back, angry. I SWEAR TO GOD.

But, with the help of Shelby (Addie's sister/owner of the house) spraying for bugs outside around basement and the windows; and if we keep absolutely no dishes in the sink, the spiders rarely show up. 

Except one was crawling across the bed this morning... eeeeuggghhhhh.

Big Ass Pipe Spider

View one, blurry

view 2, still blurry

Now this one... was the first super omnious spider I've encountered here (except for the dead black widow on the sidewalk downtown). I mean, look at it. It's small, but bulbous, kinda spotty, a little Tim Burton-y, and had this crazy web attached to an exposed pipe under our bathroom sink. He was tucked away, and catching Sink Spiders, so once again, I let him go. 

Buuuuut, concern got the better of both of us--well, concern and a few drinks and some liberal tossing of the phrase "possible egg sack", and we decided to evict it. And by we, I mean, I made Addie do it. 

disarming the spider with a handful of paper towels

further disarming of the spider, a la Jewish glass breaking ceremony

Since we weren't sure the 17 paper towels we used to apprehend the spider would flush, I stuffed it in an old Ben and Jerry's ice cream tub, and then into a used ziplock bag. I figure if the spider was strong enough to survive 2 crushings, suffocation, and eating its way through 34 layers of paper towel, waxy paper carton, and high intensity plastic bag, I'd give it the apartment.

spider bomb: highly effective.

By the way, Ben and Jerry's Strawberry Cheesecake ice cream is the best ice cream in the world; quickly usurping Ben and Jerry's Half Baked as the best ice cream in the entire world. 

So now that I'm thoroughly distracted by spider research (have you ever googled "house spider"? it'll lead you down a rabbit-hole of terrifying articles and images that I just... can't... look away from), it's time to get back to writing in proper.

Thursday, May 12, 2011

First informal rant

things that bug me

an informal rant

--gushy, over-posty new moms on facebook

I get it. There has been no baby before yours, and there will be none afterwards [until your second {OOPS} comes along] Your baby shits rainbows and spits up cinnamon rolls. And no one ever in the history of the world is as happy or fulfilled or complete as you because you gestated something for 9 months and somehow or another wrenched it out of your uterus.

I'm not saying it's bad to love your kids and to get all kinds of feel-goodery from them, and yes, celebrating major milestones or exceptionally cool/horrific baby experiences is cool. Motherhood is rewarding. But do I really need you to clog my newsfeed with the live status updates on your child's existence? Didn't you just have a new baby? Shouldn't you be like, raising it?

And yes, I know, I am not a "real" mom. However, I know a lot of moms. And I've spent plenty of time with newborns. And puppies. I know how thankless and frustrating the new parent experience can be. Why not occasionally tell it like it is?

--When my food doesn't look like food

I can't eat any animal that resembles it's pre-food shape. I once sent back fried calamari because they were tentacle pieces that looked like they were locked together, holding eachother, begging for life before being dipped in the fryer. 

Also, food with a face. I can't eat pork from a pig roast. I can't eat lobster or crab straight from the shell. It's too disturbing to look it in the eyes. 

So my pizza tonight was sad:

pizza faaaace
In case you missed it, here it is again:

It looks like Spunky from Rocko's Modern Life 

I still haven't brought myself to eat it. AND PIZZA IS SO DELICIOUS. This is very sad.

--Sappy "Over the Bed" decals

There are some awesome wall decals out there:

Then, there's this weird romantic sayings over the bed crap:

To me, it's creepy that anyone would decal this up on their walls. But especially over their bed. It would remind me too much of living in a sappy rom-com.

If I had an over-the-bed decal, it'd be something like this:

just keeping it real.
But then again, I'm the one who thinks it's cool to hang a giant squid decal ANYWHERE in the house. So go figure.

-- How un-healthy my ideal diet is

Ok, seriously. How awesome are narcotic pain killers?

      So awesome that I look forward to my blinding, paralyzing menstrual cramps just to take a few again. (legally prescribed, beeteedub, no cops plz)

And how awesome is havarti cheese?

      So awesome, that it's the most awesome of all the soft cheese.

And can we talk about pairing it with crunch French loaf bread?

      So. Awesome.

Yeah. combine narco pain killers, havarti cheese n bread (and maybe some trash TV or a gossip rag) and I'm all

snuggly puppy, baby

I wish there was a way to enjoy this every night without becoming a) a drug addict, and b) 500 lbs. *sigh

-- $4 bottles of wine that taste more amazing than the $40 bottles I just bought

Thanks, Walgreens, for making my budget look bad.

--blogging when I have nothing to blog about

proof is in the post, guys.

UPDATE: I ate pizza face. it was delicious.
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