Sunday, September 23, 2012

one week til Mary's wedding!

By this time next week, my sister will be married! But until then--it's time for pre-wedding crunch. And this crunch revolves around numbers.

# of cloth napkins I ironed: approx. 80

# of place cards I printed, corrected, re-printed, cut out, alphabetized and arranged: 170

# of trips I made to Michael's for craft supplies/obnoxiously huge canvas: 3

# hours I spent in line at Michael's because it's *always* busy no matter when I roll up?: infinity

# of obnoxiously large pieces of canvas I almost knocked down from the bulk storage shelf because I was too impatient to wait for a sales person to help me: 5

# of mini-collage table numbers I made: 20

# of hours sleep I had from Saturday morning til right now: 2

# of episodes of Damages I watched on Saturday night/Sunday morning: 10 (seriously, why aren't more people watching this show? it's fantastic)

# of cloth napkins I rolled with hankies and tied with ribbon: 175

# of wine labels I designed and printed: 56

# of times I accidentally/on purpose threw Bill Purray rolled up balls of tape and then laughed when he freaked because they stuck to him?: 4

# of instances of Bill Purray accidentally/on purpose shutting down my computer by jumping into my touch screen monitor to catch the cursor: 1

k, I'm ready to pass out forever now.

Thursday, September 20, 2012

on the rocks!

I got this idea from my old friend Holly earlier this year when she posted about how well her family was managing their debt. Of course, at the time, I didn't do anything when I read it other than think "hey what a cool idea," and then went on to do something else like... probably buy something I didn't need.

But! Enough time has passed without me working full time, and in a quest to make myself feel better and try new things, I've tacked on some unfortunate revolving debt (such a nice way to phrase "sometimes necessary but ultimately terrible purchasing"). And so, I've decided to ice my credit cards. Because I've tried everything I can think of to curb my excessive spending and nothing so far has worked--not even the sweet satisfaction of paying off *everything* besides my student loans last year. I just can't control myself.

And so, the new rule around here is, if I can't pay for it with cash, then I don't need it. What a novel idea!

Thusly, my days of financial #yolo are done. But, hey... at least I had a fun summer.

2 credit cards, straight up.
to further keep myself from using. My god that man is terrifying. 

enjoy your icy coffin, Mr. Cage. You can't hurt me anymore.
Tune in tomorrow when I break up the credit card ice floe because I saw a purse or an iPad or something shiny and decided I needed it to live.

Wednesday, September 19, 2012

Persistence Pays Off (a very important entry about my new boots)

Today, I learned the lesson of persistence in the face of despair. 

On Saturday, I went out to run wedding errands with Mary. We found her guest book, and while we were shopping for Neve's flower girl shoes, I found the boots I have been looking for for the past 5 years: lace up, tall, flat heel, real leather, and they didn't look like they came from Hot Topic or Clothing Sales (where military people get their uniforms). They were beautiful. They were real leather. And since they were at Marshall's, they were only $40. 

Unfortunately, they weren't my size. And the next day, they weren't in my size at 3 other Marshall's. Apparently, this boot was only made in size 6.5, not size Ginormous. So I came home and searched online for them:


I googled and amazon'd and searched and searched:


It was looking bleak. But the want for these boots haunted me. For the past few days, I might have become became border line obsessed. I started pairing every outfit I already had to these boots that I clearly was unable to find. I spent a lot of time googling boots. I bought a MacBook Air that was on sale to try and take my mind off of them*. But it was no use. They just didn't exist.


I had to return something to my friend Daron tonight, and decided to check out the Marshall's near her. And surprise! The boxes claimed had two sizes: 7 and 10. I tried them both on. The 7 fit me like a 9. The 10 fit me like a 10. I double checked the sizes on the inside of the boot label, and *all* of them said  6.5. When I flipped the size 7 over, the sole had a size 8 sticker on it. And then one of the clerks told me all the boots had been mis-printed, which is why they were at Marshall's. After I kicked myself for not just trying them on at the 4 other stores and thus saving myself a lot of time and gas, I ran up to the counter and bought them. 

And now I'm sitting in my pi's, wearing my new favorite boots and sitting beside an open window and it's really chilly outside and there's a fall scented candle burning and I'm watching old episodes of Parks and Recreation. 

I declare this Wednesday night a success.   

behold, boots.

Tomorrow's Episode: Freezing my credit cards.

*this is true. I'm a convert. I'm in debt. But it was worth it. And since I'm freelancing, I can write it off on my taxes. And it was on sale. And when I was googling boots I got an email alerting me of the sale and then air books magically came up in the boot threads so it was totally destiny. And, #yolo 

Tuesday, September 18, 2012

Back to the Kitchen

I realized last night that it's been forever since I've tried a new recipe. That's probably because I've been preoccupied with... stuff. And Five Guys and Chik fil A and eating other people's cooking has been way easier than dredging up the motivation to clean, chop, peel, sweat, wipe, shoot, brown, chop, stir, lift, pluck, skewer, simmer, fry, clean some more. I've made one batch of cupcakes since July, and that's it.

But, I've missed it. I've come to enjoy cooking as much as I enjoy baking. And even when I mess up (which is 90% of the time), I still have a lot of fun in the process. And the wine I drink while I cook totally lessens the shame when I mess up (true story!). So when I caught a little bit of Julie and Julia this morning, and when Kristin posted about her delicious lasagna, and when I was suddenly starving after reading it, and then, when she mentioned it in a Facebook chat this afternoon, I was all,

"send. me. recipe."

And she did, because she's fabulous. 

So I got back into the groove with this fatty, fatty, nomalicious noodle-less lasagna. Seriously. She used to make this when we lived together, and we'd basically just sit on the floor and stab it with forks until it was gone. And what's even better about this lasagna is that there's only 2 unhealthy ingredients (and really, how unhealthy is cheese? Cheese is amazing.), so I don't feel that slimy, greasy guilt I usually get when I'm sprawled across the floor in an agonizingly delicious food coma. 

dad's garden grown tomatoes

usually, I sneer at canned tomato sauce. But I was too tired to make one from scratch.
phase 1, delicious sauce
phase 2, using zucchini to replace noodles

phase 3, cheeeeeeese

phase 4, spinach

phase 5, more zucchini 

phase 6, more sauce

phase 7, MOAR CHEEZE
 and voila:

Alternate Title: What Happens When You Overfill Your Lasagna Pan
This was my first time making any type of lasagna. So of course I overloaded the pan, and since it didn't have noodles, there was a lack of structure. But like. if you scoop it up with pita chips or really crusty garlic bread, it's even more amazing. 

And there's nothing wrong with a pile of meat and cheese and veggies. 

If you need me, I'll be passed out and covered in tomato sauce. 

Saturday, September 15, 2012

awkward moments

Shayne pulls up Flo Rida's "whistle" on You Tube.

me: he's... oh my god, is he saying blow my whistle, girl?

Shayne: Yep.

me: And it's a Flo Rida song?

Shayne: You didn't know that?

me: I thought the chorus was wish you were here you were here, don't you know? And I pictured some whiney white dude singing it. I thought it was really sweet. 

Shayne: Nope. It's definitely Flo Rida. And it's definitely about fellatio. Which is also sweet.

me: Well, then. I guess that explains all the whistling. My mind is blown.

Shayne: So is Flo Rida. 

Ah, that moment when you feel like the oldest person in the room.

Flo Rida, Whistle Champion 2012

Thursday, September 13, 2012

rescue attempts

My mom's friend found 3 tiny, two week old kittens on Wednesday, and needed someone to kitty-sit them while she went to her art show over the weekend. My mom volunteered (probably on a kitten high from baby Billvis Jay Purray).

They are so small and helpless and malnourished. Their eyes are barely open, they're just learning to nurse from a bottle, and need to be hydrated via IV. The two pictured above are in fighting shape. But unfortunately, the sickly runt passed away tonight.

I didn't think I could feel so sad over an animal that I knew for basically 5 minutes. But damn. I'm bottomed out. Maybe it was because he was so small and sad looking and I knew his chances weren't that strong. It's just too bad.

I'll be hugging my own little rescue biddy extra long (whether he likes it or not) and maybe even feeding him more canned food than he needs. 

Today's been such a shitty day :/

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

80's and Drag Queens and Booze, oh my!

Mary's bachelorette weekend was basically ridiculous.

We dressed up in 80's gear TO THE MAX and rocked out with our fake penis-tipped straws out to 80's cover band The Legwarmers in the glorious wonder land of Baltimore (my mom drove the passenger van full of us drunk wunder kids. she's a trooper). Mary might have danced with PeeWee Herman. And I might have drank so much Passenger Van Cocktail that I puked up a quarter pounder at 4 in the morning. And Liz might have passed out in the closet. It was fantastic.

I made us all t-shirts with 80's icons on the front, and a phrase associated with that icon, incorporated with each girl's name, on the back. For example, Mary had "Dirty Dancing" on her shirt. On the back, it said "Nobody Puts Mary in the Corner." I had Bob Ross ("paint a happy little audrey"), Jill had Hall & Oates ("private eyes, they're watching Jill"), Anita had Bon Jovi ("whoooa-ohh, Anita on a prayer!"), Mel had Jem ("Mel is my name, no one else is the same!") and Liz had She-ra ("Liz-Sharp, Princess of Power!"). I'm becoming slightly obsessed with making iron on shirts, not sure if you guys could tell or not.  

[Even if I did have an "OH GODDAMNIT I HATE MAKING SHIRTS" moment when I realized I had printed out all the back pieces backwards and on iron-on's meant for white fabric and had to run back to Michael's for 2 new shirts and new iron on paper and then had to run back home because I forgot my wallet and then back to Michael's and then back home to re-design and re-print the backs because of course I didn't save the images when I made them the first time because I always do everything perfectly and will never have to re-use a pattern and also I never learn my lessons and ended up running so far behind that I finished ironing and cutting all the shirts in the hotel. But hey, make it work!]

The next day, we nursed our hangovers with mimosa's, all you can eat buffets and trans-sexual entertainment at Perry's Drag Queen Brunch. So much awesome.

it might not look like it, but everything on this plate (even the scrapple) was delicious
If I could go to drag queen brunch every Sunday, my life would be 400% better.

Yay, bachelorette! I'm glad we could give you such a fantastic send off! :-)

Friday, September 7, 2012

a crazy cat lady post

Dear Bill Purray:

1. please don't eat the cord to my phone charger. Or to my computer. It's a one-way ticket back to the farm.

2. please stop climbing up my legs in order to get to the desk so that you can catch that elusive cursor on the monitor screen.

3. you really should just come to terms with the fact that you'll never catch the cursor.

4. no, it's not that I don't think you can do it. It's just that the cursor isn't real. You'll understand when you're older.

5. It is unacceptable to take bites out of my food before I've offered it to you. Even if I'm pretty impressed with your palate thus far. 

6. please don't poop while I'm in the room. It's amazing that something so ridiculously cute as you can produce a smell so heinous.

7. In fact, if you could learn to use a toilet, that'd be fantastic.

8. My $200 dress is not a scratch post.

9. Neither are my curtains.

10. I will never let you drink my coffee, no matter how many times you try to dunk your head into the cup.

11. My toes are not evil monsters that need attacking whenever you see them. I can quite assure you of that.


your curtains are a playground

Thursday, September 6, 2012


Oh hey guys! My mom found a relic from the past!

ahh. I was born in 1984. And when I wasn't narking on my parents to Big Brother, (get it?) I was a tiny child enjoying things like She-Ra, Jem, Masters of the Universe, Rainbow Brite, Care Bears, Pound Puppies and motha'flippin' Popples.  

And to prepare for Mary's 80's theme bachelorette party (you heard it right), Mom un-Earthed Mary's old Popple toy (among all the Care Bears and Care Bear Cousins). Sheeeewww.

Unfortunately (or fortunately, if you ask my mom), all our VHS copies of The Popples have disappeared and I haven't seen an episode in about 24 years, but I'll never forget it:


And I do know that when I see this stuffed animal I feel like a 5 year old again. It's great.  

I carried this popple on my back pack all through high school
kinda creepy.
Bill Purray isn't too sure about this

aghhhhhhh HELP ME

Gonna go re-live my childhood, brb.


I... I never want to know how to quit you, you stupid compelling British period piece.


Wednesday, September 5, 2012

when bad days go good

I made the mistake yesterday of trying to sit down, be responsible, and make out my bill schedule for the month.

As Bill Purray slept on my feet and Landmass whined outside the gate I set up at my door, and I crunched numbers that were no longer there, I had that sudden, dreadful feeling of I may only have enough money for bills this month. As in, no extra funds. Not for new kitten shots. Or gas. Or extra's for Mary's bachelorette party. Or Netflix. womp womp. 

The plan was to keep my part time jobs until after the wedding, when retail stores would be hiring, and then I'd get a crap job until Australia, and then figure out what to do when I got back. But, thanks to my so awesome bill paying skillz last month when I accidentally made a $900 credit card payment, plus a semi-sudden increase in going out, it seems I have just about bled myself dry. (oh, and also, taking last week off. While it was much needed, it was a terrible financial choice.) But now it seemed that I'd need to get another job, like, tomorrow, because steady income is now mandatory. Which is terrible, because the Way-To-Quit-A-Well-Paying-Job karma has struck and no one is responding to my job queries.

So, I did what I always do when faced with a dire first world problem--I went for a nap. But I couldn't sleep. It was that "omg everything sucks so I'm going to try to not focus on everything that's sucking but everything sucks" thought train that you hope de-rails and never does and keeps your mind racing. Fun!

The only seeming light at the end of the tunnel was that my mom's boss was looking for someone for part time work, and I was on my way to meet up with her to talk about it.

and huzzah, she was looking for full time work! in marketing! and I got the job! and it's only 20 minutes away from the house! yay! It was literally like getting an adrenaline shot. 

 So, starting Monday, I re-join the semi-full time work world. This good for a million reasons, but mostly being able to live and pay off my credit card (which has been hit a little hard as of late--oops) and prepare for what comes after January.

I also had a really inspiring talk with my friend Jon about grad school. I'm really excited to start getting my shit together on that front.

OooOooOOooo... the future!

Also, unrelated: pictures of Beep being adorable.

smug kitten is smug.

He saw his reflection in the mirror, and arched and hissed at himself for a good 5 minutes. ohh, how special you are.


Not gonna lie, I had a bit of Rescuer's Remorse on Monday. But it's passed. And apart from the unholy abomination that is his poo, he remains an absolute delight. 

Sunday, September 2, 2012

Bill Purray

I'm not a cat person.

In my 28 years of living, I've only met 2 cats who had the potential to make me like cats more than dogs. And while I've been surrounded by my family's cats for just about ever, I haven't had a cat of my own since I was 17. And I've been ok with that.

My friend, Daron, however, is a big ol' cat person. One day, Daron and I were having an unusually girly day, and we were joking around that the only way to make it more girly was to go out and adopt some kittens. Since then, her brother, who works at a plant nursery where kittens get dropped off and given away on a first come, first serve basis, randomly sends me pictures of adoptable kittens. And typically, I laugh it off, since there are already 3 cats in my parent's house, and I didn't want to add any more.

Except for a little while ago, when he sent me a picture of a little fur ball with half a grey face, and I was like ohhhhhno... it's too cute. I showed my mom, and she was like "Why aren't you going out to to get him right now?" And I was like, "uh, no." And I ignored him. Until today, when I found out that the little grey faced purr burger was the only one left in the litter. All his bro's had been adopted. And basically it was between me or the pound. So I went over to meet him, and it was love at first sight.

And I rescued him. From being adopted. By someone else.

I dubbed him Bill Purray (like Bill Murray? I know, right?), and he's wonderful! I don't know how he was the last kitty left. He's clearly the cutest, most laid back, charming little guy in the world. He wakes up purring and just wants to be loved.

Billiam Wolfgang Purr Burger

Auntie Daron


He sleeps with one eye open, like a true OG. 
It's a little unsettling at first
and then it goes from unsettling to creepy.
and right back to cute again.

 After playing for maybe 10 or 15 minutes, he sleeps for 3 hours. We're more alike than he will ever know.


Stealth Blog Kitteh
Oh William Jay Purray. I didn't think I was ready for another pet until I met you.
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