Tuesday, September 13, 2011

First Resignation

There's only one word to describe how I'm feeling today:

 Last night, I was pretty snit-tastic. Addie and I had a talk about money (like, as soon as I walked in the door, way to go) and where we’ll be in a few months, which of course, led to the “goddamnit I don’t like my job” talk (only on my part, Addie loves his job), which led to me pissing and moaning about what I could do because I need a lot of money, like right now and quitting was out of the question even though the job was giving me anxiety attacks. But finally I broke down and decided that I couldn’t put up with it anymore and quitting was the only feasible option. 

I woke up to an encouraging note from Addie, and after I got to work, I told my supervisor, and then went and had a surprisingly pleasant discussion with my boss. And I did it! I put in my notice. 

I told him it just wasn’t working out for a wide number of reasons. Primarily because working all day at a computer left me drained of any motivation to write. And, working an office job again so soon after quitting an office job turned out to be a bit of a mind fuck. I was only there over a month, but I could already feel myself growing into a pissy rut, of every day collapsing on the couch after complaining about the day I had—a place I worked hard to get out of and didn’t want to fall into again.  

But really, mostly I quit because I didn’t like being told I was “slap fucking” my boss around. I, uh, didn’t tell him that part.

It felt good to quit. I walked out of his office and it was like the weight of a thousand neurotic Audreys was dug out of my lower back. It basically made up for every shitty job I didn’t quit in college because I felt like I couldn’t. Like I finally stood up for myself, professionally, and said I wasn’t going to stand for a job that was any less than awesome. Turns out free lunches and $20 on my birthday wasn’t awesome enough to make up for how I left feeling like a super small idiot every day.  

So I walked out of the office today, feeling like a Self Important Bitch, In Control of My Life, when I saw that my back tire was Completely Flat.

Wah. Wah. Waaaaah.

But Shelby’s boyfriend/my other housemate said he might be able to dig out the teeny tiny nail that did it in and plug it up. And if not, he’s going to find me a cheap replacement tire.

It’s been an ebb and flow kinda day.
I keep thinking of shitty jobs my parents couldn’t quit because they had 4 children to support. And I’m really grateful that they were so selfless for us.

But at the same time, I’m putting “Able to Quit Job and Move On Without A Reliable End Game In Sight” all the way at the top of the “Reasons I’m Grateful I Have No Desires to Procreate” list.  

Now it's time for Black Swan for like, the 500th time, writing, and some dinner.

And maybe basking in new cable.



Mandy said...

Congrats on the freedom! And I love the new header!

Audrey said...

Thanks! :)

bunnymachine said...

Dang I am so behind on your blog, this made me cheer SO HARD FOR YOU. I am so happy that you're away from Chauvinist McSexualHarrassment man. Yaaaay <3 Although I'm sorry about the flat tire immediately afterwards. XD At least it sounds easily fixable!

P.S. My word verification is "tramp". I can't decide if it's referring to you, or to me, or to both of us at the same time.

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