Friday, September 7, 2012

a crazy cat lady post

Dear Bill Purray:

1. please don't eat the cord to my phone charger. Or to my computer. It's a one-way ticket back to the farm.

2. please stop climbing up my legs in order to get to the desk so that you can catch that elusive cursor on the monitor screen.

3. you really should just come to terms with the fact that you'll never catch the cursor.

4. no, it's not that I don't think you can do it. It's just that the cursor isn't real. You'll understand when you're older.

5. It is unacceptable to take bites out of my food before I've offered it to you. Even if I'm pretty impressed with your palate thus far. 

6. please don't poop while I'm in the room. It's amazing that something so ridiculously cute as you can produce a smell so heinous.

7. In fact, if you could learn to use a toilet, that'd be fantastic.

8. My $200 dress is not a scratch post.

9. Neither are my curtains.

10. I will never let you drink my coffee, no matter how many times you try to dunk your head into the cup.

11. My toes are not evil monsters that need attacking whenever you see them. I can quite assure you of that.


your curtains are a playground


Jennifer Wyatt-Murphey said...

I'm feeling your pain! My lil one is 3 months old now. And Jonathan is calling him devil every time he sees him! Opie didn't have enough time with his mother (she abandoned him and his siblings) so he has a suckling problem. He likes to climb up to my face when I'm asleep and try to suck on my lips or my nose. His little butt no longer sleeps in our bedroom.

Kim said...

LOL!!! Auds did you write this while you were at "work"??

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