Thankfully, he's never hired another assistant. Thankfully, it's tax season. Thankfully, because it means I have a more immediate source of income while I'm figuring out the "work from home" ropes.
I started on Wednesday, which was No Good, Very Bad Day from the moment the clock struck midnight. And as I sat at my old familiar desk,
and looked at my old familiar work load,
and my old familiar surroundings,
I shook my head and realized that I have teleported back to 2007-2008: recovering from a break up, living with my parents, questionable career path.
The only difference is that this time I don't weigh 130 lbs (ohhhh, that fantastic college diet of coffee, alcohol, and the occasional Chinese dinner). Oh, and I have bangs.
It's hard to not see this as a step backwards. Especially on weird days when everything from listening to ABBA's greatest hits to driving down 29 to making ramen makes me like, overcome. Overcome with feelings.
Ugh, can we just talk about feelings? And why they always choose to avalanche on you in the most inconvenient moments?
Like, getting coffee.
You walk up to the register to order a chai latte, and you suddenly remember how good the chai lattes were somewhere else. Or that one chai latte you ordered on that one day where you could have changed the entire course of your life. And it makes you sad. Then you get angry for feeling sad. And then you feel guilty for feeling angry for feeling sad because you're supposed to feel sad during these days when you're moving on, and then mad for getting guilty for being sad, and then sad because you're beating yourself up over nothing but a vague memory. And then Sheryl Crowe's cover of First Cut is the Deepest comes on and suddenly you're crying at the register and to make up for the tears you unintentionally bark out your order and the barrista clerk looks at you like the Feelings Monster you have suddenly become:
Feelings can bite it.
I'm in a re-charge position in my life. The world doesn't stop just because I'm dealing with shit. It's amazing that I have such a wonderful landing pad. It's amazing that I have such wonderful people around me who keep lifting me up. And as soon as it gets better, it'll be amazing to walk in the sun again.
One of these days, I'll stop posting self-serving pity party entries like this. (fo' serious)