Monday, March 12, 2012

Kids These Days

I tween-sat for my mom's boss' 14 year old and 10 year old boys this weekend (I'd say babysit, but that feels weird considering there were no babies) It was pretty easy, considering my primary duty was to drive them to Subway for dinner.

While my mom showed up to do the really difficult stuff (like take the younger one to the doctor and the older one to his baseball game--the latter which would have made my eyes bleed slowly out through my ears), I was there to handle all the really difficult stuff, like watching the Jersey Shore marathon, playing BeyBlades, engaging in tooooooo many games of Words With Friends, winning a game of pool (against a 10 year old, but a very skilled 10 year old nonetheless), and copious pizza eating.

I also had to tend to their rabbit, Speedy, who basically growled and snapped at me so hard and loud that I jumped back in surprise. I didn't know rabbits could growl and snap. It was unnerving.

a very ill tempered rodent
But, I spent most of my time with Jett, the most precocious and flamboyant 10 year old boy I've had the pleasure to know. Even though he was sick with pneumonia, he kept me rolling, so I wrote down almost everything he said, in my own spin off of the "Shit____Say" trend (oh yeah, I'm jumping on that bandwagon.)

And without further ado,

Shit This 10 Year Old I Know Says*

while watching Jersey Shore:
 Jett: JWoww is the best. If I were on the shore, my name would be Jow-Wowww, with an extra W. On the Wowww part. It adds spice.
me: Did you know that JWoww was chosen for the show because she tried to stab her friend in the face?
Jett: Oh girrrrrrl, you don't mess with JWoww.

while driving to Subway:
When I get my first car I'm getting a bumper sticker that says "I STABBED MY FRIEND IN THE FACE." It's going to give me so much street cred.

on me saying that white people can't dance:
Jett: I can dance.
me: ok, you're a white guy who can dance?
Jett: I'm not white, I'm an inside out Oreo.

on messing with his Grandma:
Don't mess with my grandma, she'll cut you.

commentary while watching Jersey Shore:
Girrrrrrl, he don't respect you Girl. Don't you be callin' him girrrrl. You come over to Jett's house, I treat my girls right. That's right. Home cooked meal. Got you some subway. I'll say EAT FRESH, GIRRRRL.

me: Did you hear that Snookie is pregnant?
Jett: Yeah she's preggers.

on his future dancing career:
Jett: My name's gonna be Jettina.
me: Not Jett-ica?
Jett: No, Jettina has the potential for hips. *shakes hips*

on being Team Jacob:
I'm totally team Jacob. Every time he takes his shirt off, I throw my hands in the aaaAAAAaaiiiiIIiiir! *throws hands in the air*

on playing Rummikub:
Jett: I feel fat.
me: You're not fat.
Jett: No, when I lose at rummikub, I'm fat. *sniffle.

on his father winning $1,5000 while gambling:
He should give to the sick.

on spelling Pneumonia:
Jett (updating his facebook status): how do you spell pneumonia?
me: p-n-e-u-m-o-n-i-a 
Jett: so p-n-e-u makes a silent D sound?
me: no, there's no D sound. It's new-monia.
Jett: duh-monia, Audrey. I have it, I think I would know.
 on a colonoscopy commercial:
Jett: ew.
me: Colonoscopies are gross.
Jett: No, you know what's gross? That one when you're a man over 40 and they put on the glove and *makes a pulling on a glove and the following snap motion* and they you know... *makes hand squeeze motion*
me: A prostate exam?
Jett: Yeah, prostates: GROSS.

on the preview for 16 & Pregnant where a pregnant teenager tries on her cheerleading outfit and her very pregnant belly is uncovered and sticking out:
Why would that preggers chick put on her cheerleading outfit? It just makes her look fat. It's like she's living in her past. She's weird. And fat.

on Mary needing a replacement bridesmaid:
I'll do it. Just let me grow my bangs out first.  

on pool tables:
me: well, excuuuuuse me. Not all of us grew up with pool tables in our basement.
Jett: I didn't grow up with a pool table in my basement. I live with a pool table in my basement. 

oh boy. Kids say the darndest things!

*working title


bunnymachine said...

This kid gives me hope for future generations of awesome kids.

Kim said...

You forgot to mention that when he said the money should go to the sick he meant that the money should go to Jett. who was sick.

Kate Lall said...

I must meet Jett. He's awesome!

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