While my mom showed up to do the really difficult stuff (like take the younger one to the doctor and the older one to his baseball game--the latter which would have made my eyes bleed slowly out through my ears), I was there to handle all the really difficult stuff, like watching the Jersey Shore marathon, playing BeyBlades, engaging in tooooooo many games of Words With Friends, winning a game of pool (against a 10 year old, but a very skilled 10 year old nonetheless), and copious pizza eating.
I also had to tend to their rabbit, Speedy, who basically growled and snapped at me so hard and loud that I jumped back in surprise. I didn't know rabbits could growl and snap. It was unnerving.
|a very ill tempered rodent|
And without further ado,
Shit This 10 Year Old I Know Says*
while watching Jersey Shore:
Jett: JWoww is the best. If I were on the shore, my name would be Jow-Wowww, with an extra W. On the Wowww part. It adds spice.
me: Did you know that JWoww was chosen for the show because she tried to stab her friend in the face?
Jett: Oh girrrrrrl, you don't mess with JWoww.
while driving to Subway:
When I get my first car I'm getting a bumper sticker that says "I STABBED MY FRIEND IN THE FACE." It's going to give me so much street cred.
on me saying that white people can't dance:
Jett: I can dance.
me: ok, you're a white guy who can dance?
Jett: I'm not white, I'm an inside out Oreo.
on messing with his Grandma:
Don't mess with my grandma, she'll cut you.
commentary while watching Jersey Shore:
Girrrrrrl, he don't respect you Girl. Don't you be callin' him girrrrl. You come over to Jett's house, I treat my girls right. That's right. Home cooked meal. Got you some subway. I'll say EAT FRESH, GIRRRRL.
me: Did you hear that Snookie is pregnant?
Jett: Yeah she's preggers.
on his future dancing career:
Jett: My name's gonna be Jettina.
me: Not Jett-ica?
Jett: No, Jettina has the potential for hips. *shakes hips*
on being Team Jacob:
I'm totally team Jacob. Every time he takes his shirt off, I throw my hands in the aaaAAAAaaiiiiIIiiir! *throws hands in the air*
on playing Rummikub:
Jett: I feel fat.
me: You're not fat.
Jett: No, when I lose at rummikub, I'm fat. *sniffle.
on his father winning $1,5000 while gambling:
He should give to the sick.
on spelling Pneumonia:
Jett (updating his facebook status): how do you spell pneumonia?
Jett: so p-n-e-u makes a silent D sound?
me: no, there's no D sound. It's new-monia.
Jett: duh-monia, Audrey. I have it, I think I would know.
on a colonoscopy commercial:
me: Colonoscopies are gross.
Jett: No, you know what's gross? That one when you're a man over 40 and they put on the glove and *makes a pulling on a glove and the following snap motion* and they you know... *makes hand squeeze motion*
me: A prostate exam?
Jett: Yeah, prostates: GROSS.
on the preview for 16 & Pregnant where a pregnant teenager tries on her cheerleading outfit and her very pregnant belly is uncovered and sticking out:
Why would that preggers chick put on her cheerleading outfit? It just makes her look fat. It's like she's living in her past. She's weird. And fat.
on Mary needing a replacement bridesmaid:
I'll do it. Just let me grow my bangs out first.
on pool tables:
me: well, excuuuuuse me. Not all of us grew up with pool tables in our basement.
Jett: I didn't grow up with a pool table in my basement. I live with a pool table in my basement.
oh boy. Kids say the darndest things!