Check Out My Muff!

About 3 years ago, I decided I needed a fancy hand muff. There was no practical aspect to this need, just a flat-out need.

I ran into procurement issues because I didn't want to spend over $100 or carry around something made of real fur. And, I was really lazy at the time and never put much effort into looking. And so, winters would come, and as I walked around with frozen hands, I kept thinking "man, I really should get a muff. Also, I should really find something else to call it."

I'm not sure when, but at some point I had an idea to make a purse-muff. A muff that doubles as a purse. How efficient! But, like every craft project I envision, I put it on the back burner and spent my time on other worthwhile endeavors, like a Sisterwives marathon or laundry or going to craft nights and gossiping instead of crafting. Such is my life.

However, at the Renn Fest, after I almost spent $75 on a terribly dyed fox fur muff, I decided that I wasn't going to let another winter pass me by without the warm efficiency of a purse muff. Thus, I made a craft date with Kristin and her Sewing Laboratory and set out to ACHIEVE SOME GOALS MAN.

It was like an episode of Project Runway where the challenge is to help a directionally challenged friend construct a dream accessory. Suffice it to say, there was lots of "so, like, I want it like, folding like this, into this shape, but it won't really make a shape because it'll be like, held on your hands--no around  your hands--and there will be like, seams here and here and a zipper for shit and yeah." while I folded and unfolded the pieces of fabric into some origami muff.

But, with her guidance (and her volunteering to do the actual sewing) the purse-muff was successful!

And so, without further ado,
 
How to Make a Purse-Muff:

1. go to a giant fabric store, like JoAnn's, and get overwhelmed by fur choices. Spend too much time deliberating, and be sure to change your mind 3x. Also, find an awesome lining. I chose fleece for warmth, and I chose dinosaurs, because dinosaurs, but that's just me. 

furrrrr

dinosauuuurrrrs

2. Put something inspirational on in the background.

yes.

3. Cut the fur to your desired width and length. I'm not good with numbers, so I just eyeballed it. Because I'm a professional.

Kristin showing me how to use "rulers"

3. Place the cut piece of fur on the lining and cut, so the lining is the same size as the fur. Allow for seam allowances, measure twice cut once, etc.

I mostly took this shot because I'm mad jeal of Kristin's workspace.

 4. Find the center of the lining, and sew in a zipper. Apparently, you can sew in a zipper using a sewing machine, but I decided to hand sew it. So Kristin pinned down an invisible zipper and I added my trademark "I Failed Sewing 101" running stitch. 

Professional

5. Next, pin the lining to the fur. Make sure to fold under the rough edges so you get a clean edge.
(I didn't get any pictures of this part. whoops)

6. Have your awesome talented friend use her badass sewing machine to sew through all that fleece and fur, thereby saving you hours of frustration. Remind yourself to get some lessons so you can really operate your own sewing machine. Further remind yourself to get your own sewing machine repaired after you broke it trying to fix it. Even further, remind  yourself you are not a sewing machine technician and thus you shouldn't be trying to fix things yourself.

By the time you're finished with your inner dialogue, the sewing will be done.

Alien Kristin loves my muff.

7. Start to run out of "muff" jokes.

8. Measure and mark sides for your inside seams. The inside seams can be as far apart as you'd like. You don't even need to have them, but I figured it'd help contain the "purse" part of the muff.

You'll notice that I put the fleece on backwards. Yep.

 9. Sew down the sides, making your "purse"

practical!

10. Finally, sew in some snaps or buttons or toggles, whatever your design aesthetic calls for. The snaps will make it possible to access your purse. Also, if you use snaps, they basically become invisible when you "close" the muff.

11. Make a lot of "oh, snap!"comments.

12. Finally, enjoy your completed muff!

be real jealous of our craft night attire.

The whole project cost like, $17, took about an hour to make (it took us much longer because we were gabbing and singing along with the Little Mermaid and taking snack breaks, but that's part of the fun) and I'm really pleased with the results. Also, I have enough dinosaur fabric left over to make something like PANTS. or a HOODIE. or a kitty bed for Mr. Bill-vadere.  

I'm really excited to a) have finished a project, and b) tool around town wearing a muff like some big classy bitch. BRING IT ON, WINTER!

...but I still haven't figured out a name for this fur tube of awesome that doesn't immediately conjure an image of a vagina. Any suggestions, internets?