Monday, June 4, 2012

Shoeless Aud

The weirdest, stupidest, most awesomely embarrassing thing happened today.

I went to get coffee, and was rushing to get through the cross walk before a car hit me, when in some strange, magic juju of sweaty feet, slightly too big shoes, stupid luck and physics, I lost one of my favorite shoes.

Into a storm drain.

Yeah.

Storm drain.

I mean, seriously? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? 



Here's a dramatic re-enactment of the events.

crossing on cross walk

hey is that my shoe coming off?

oh no whats happening here omg
OMG THERE'S A CAR COMING WHERE ARE YOU GOING SHOE


NOOOOOOOOOO

SERIOUSLY, SHOE?!
so awkward

I somehow walked with enough swing that I kicked my shoe off and into the drain. And I was so freaked out by the oncoming car and the oncoming, hi-five demanding homeless guy and just all around so embarassed that I didn't even check to see if I could fish it out. 

And really, wow, my first instinct when I saw that homeless dude come at me with his arm out stretched was to throw my coffee on him and scream. But then I remembered that I was only in Old Town. And he was motioning me to hi-five him as he laughed. And I had just paid $5 for that latte. So we hi-fived and he walked on his way, laughing. And I felt like a scummy Elitist because what I cared more about was slapping hands with the homeless dude, not about stepping on stones or glass with my bare foot.

So, I hobbled back to the office, terrified that the homeless dude might be following me, and I made a make-shift shoe out of paper towels.


Farewell, Favorite Gold Flat. I'm sorry you were killed in action.

But, you made a homeless dude laugh. And you gave me an awesome story.

It was a good death.

womp womp.

5 comments:

Unknown said...

This is basically my most favorite story ever. The art really helps bring the plot home. The whole thing ranks right up there with "OMG THERE'S A GNAT IN MY EYE! FISH IT OUT AND TRY NOT TO POKE MY EYE WHILE YOU'RE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY!"

Oh, good times.

Audrey Turner said...

<3 ewe

bunnymachine said...

Omg. I thought this was mildly funny while reading it on facebook at work, then I read this post and about choked on my dinner laughing at it. I'm sorry for your misfortune, but goddamn it made a hilarious blog post. <3

Kim said...

From Audrey's dad:

"At least you didn't spill the coffee!" And, to top that one, if you had some construction paper (lime green) and a pair of 1st grade dull-ass scissors, you could have made a swell-looking pair of "Mr. Rogers Slippers....heh heh heh...stylin' in Old Town....!!!

Tini said...

This is tragic, those shoes are (were?) totally cute.

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