Monday, June 4, 2012

Shoeless Aud

The weirdest, stupidest, most awesomely embarrassing thing happened today.

I went to get coffee, and was rushing to get through the cross walk before a car hit me, when in some strange, magic juju of sweaty feet, slightly too big shoes, stupid luck and physics, I lost one of my favorite shoes.

Into a storm drain.


Storm drain.

I mean, seriously? HOW DOES THIS HAPPEN? 

Here's a dramatic re-enactment of the events.

crossing on cross walk

hey is that my shoe coming off?

oh no whats happening here omg


so awkward

I somehow walked with enough swing that I kicked my shoe off and into the drain. And I was so freaked out by the oncoming car and the oncoming, hi-five demanding homeless guy and just all around so embarassed that I didn't even check to see if I could fish it out. 

And really, wow, my first instinct when I saw that homeless dude come at me with his arm out stretched was to throw my coffee on him and scream. But then I remembered that I was only in Old Town. And he was motioning me to hi-five him as he laughed. And I had just paid $5 for that latte. So we hi-fived and he walked on his way, laughing. And I felt like a scummy Elitist because what I cared more about was slapping hands with the homeless dude, not about stepping on stones or glass with my bare foot.

So, I hobbled back to the office, terrified that the homeless dude might be following me, and I made a make-shift shoe out of paper towels.

Farewell, Favorite Gold Flat. I'm sorry you were killed in action.

But, you made a homeless dude laugh. And you gave me an awesome story.

It was a good death.

womp womp.


Unknown said...

This is basically my most favorite story ever. The art really helps bring the plot home. The whole thing ranks right up there with "OMG THERE'S A GNAT IN MY EYE! FISH IT OUT AND TRY NOT TO POKE MY EYE WHILE YOU'RE LAUGHING HYSTERICALLY!"

Oh, good times.

Audrey Turner said...

<3 ewe

bunnymachine said...

Omg. I thought this was mildly funny while reading it on facebook at work, then I read this post and about choked on my dinner laughing at it. I'm sorry for your misfortune, but goddamn it made a hilarious blog post. <3

Kim said...

From Audrey's dad:

"At least you didn't spill the coffee!" And, to top that one, if you had some construction paper (lime green) and a pair of 1st grade dull-ass scissors, you could have made a swell-looking pair of "Mr. Rogers Slippers....heh heh heh...stylin' in Old Town....!!!

Tini said...

This is tragic, those shoes are (were?) totally cute.

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