Sunday, January 26, 2014

"They're already married. I'm just going on a date."

Grey about killed me on Friday. 

I was upstairs in bed, propping up my busted knee (ah, aging), when Grey rushed up and asked me, excitedly, to come downstairs. I followed him to the kitchen, where he and Neve had set up a little ice cream date at the kitchen table. The lights were off and there was a lit candle in the center of the table. 

"Aunt Audrey, we're having a practice date and you're invited!" A little Flowers in the Attic, but my heart started melting. /heart melt scale: 10

I fixed my bowl of ice cream and as I put it on the table, Grey jumped up and pulled out my chair. /heart melt scale: 50

Grey, the 7 year old casanova, explained to me that he was practicing for when he takes his classmate, Mya out for a date. 

"Mya? I thought you were going to marry Mira?" Mira was a girl he met in pre-school, who he's been in love with for years. 

"Well, I was in love with Mira for a long time, but then I saw Mya and now I love her."

"But why?" Neve and I asked. 

"Mya is so much more beautiful!" I couldn't help but laugh at this, thinking, Daamnn that shit starts early.

He then went on. 

"I'm going to pull out her chair for her. And I'm going to bring her a plate of cookies. And we're going to sit at the table, asking questions about ourselves." /heart melt scale: 300

"Like what her favorite color is, or if she has any pets?"


"Are you going to tell her about Meg and Moo?" (his dogs)

"No, I don't think it's time yet. I'm going to like, ask her if I'm too kind." 

"Too kind?"

"Girls don't like kind boys." (Once again, Daaamn this shit starts early.)

"I'm sure they do, you should always be kind." (how do you explain to a 7 year old that yes, girls go through a "I only like assholes" phase?)

"Well, I asked her if I winked too much, and she said yes, so I winked at her again, hahahaha"

/heart melt scale: 1,000

"What about the cookies, are you going to bake them yourself?"

"No, I'll just order them at the place."

"Classy touch."

"I know." And then he just grinned from ear to ear. /heart melt scale: 70

Then, he jumped up and whispered in my ear, "I'm going to bring her flowers!" and sat back down, grinning. "And after I give her the flowers -- no roses, because they have thorns-- I'm going to give her her surprise. 50 silver diamonds and 50 rainbow colored diamonds." /heart melt scale: 1,000

"Oh wow, that's a lot of surprises!'

"And then, we'll sit outside and relax by candle light." 

"Are you going to hold hands?"

"I think her hands will be full of diamonds." /heart melt scale: 500

Grey told me that he wanted me, Mimi and PopPop (my parents), his Mommy and his Daddy, and Neve to come, also. "You can sit at the table behind us."

"In case you get stuck or have a problem?"

"Yeah, we'll be at the vineyard, and we're going to sit in the high chairs. You guys can sit in the back chairs. The girls will wear dresses, and the boys will wear tuxedos. Mya will wear the prettiest dress she has." /heart melt scale: 1,000,000

"I think it sounds like a really special date. You and Mya are going to have a good time."

"Yeah! And since I just went on a practice date with 2 girls, going on a real date with 1 girl will be a piece of cake." 

For a little kid who only talks to me about Skylander Giants, this blew my mind. He was glowing and grinning like a love-sick teenager the entire time. By the time they blew the candle out and I was putting the bowls away, my heart had melted into a giant puddle in my socks.

I went back up stairs, and Grey and Neve followed me. 

"Aunt Audrey, should I get Mya Sun Flowers or Daisies? I really want to give her big Sun Flowers."

"I think you'd have an easier time finding Daisies right now. Maybe you can give her Sun Flowers when you take her on a date in the summer time."

"Oh, that's a good idea. We're going to have so many dates. Like, 5."

/heart melt scale: 5,000,000 

"Should I give Mya my $4?"  

"Aww, no, you should use the $4 to pay for the date, instead."

"But, no, I'm going to use that $4 to buy my Iron Man." 

"That's a pickle."

"I know! I'll say I forgot my money, and then I'll make mommy and daddy pay for it." Then, we high fived. 

/heart melt scale: infinity

It all starts so early. It's hard to believe that he's 7, and that in 7 more years, he'll probably be trying to go on actual dates. And in 10 years, he'll be old enough for girlfriends and real relationships and all the hell that comes along with dating in high school. I hope, in that time, he still feels like he can talk to me about the dates he wants to go on. And I can tell him to keep his Gentleman instincts, but to stay away from the girls who say he's too kind. 

And hopefully, he saves enough money to buy all those diamonds. 
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