Friday, January 10, 2014

Hello, Biological Clock

I think I've contracted baby crazy.

For the first time in my life, I've gone from saying "if I have kids" to "when I have kids." Which, to anyone who knows me, or reads this blog, is as strange a statement as me saying "I want to go back to school and major in Mathematics."

Maybe this new realization comes from watching a marathon of Teen Mom and 16 & Pregnant and thinking "eh, I could do better than that." Or, maybe it's that my Instagram and Facebook feeds are clogged with adorable, well dressed, well behaved babies with big curious eyes and wacky baby grins. Or, maybe it's the fact that Leah and Mary announced that they're both pregnant and are due within 2 days of one another, making it 5 women I know who are pregnant and due mid-2014. Or, maybe it's Joel and that picture I saw of him on a walk with his friend's toddler that was so cute it basically launched my uterus into overtime. 

Whatever the cue, something has tipped off my brain that I'm female and therefore should have a maternal drive.  Which has resulted in the unexpected thaw of my biological clock, and those creaky hands are ticking fast and furious (too soon?) toward the hour of procreation. Not that I'm taking my temperature and plotting ovulation days (not that I could if I wanted to, I've spent umpteen amounts of money on trying to figure out what's wrong with my reproductive system and have been told by 3 different OB/GYN's that I flat out don't ovulate--hey did you want some TMI, by the way?), but I am thinking of the innocuous aspects of having a baby: names, onesies with dinosaurs on them, that giraffe squeaky toy that all the Yuppie kids have, what if they grow up loving sports and hate reading, etc.  

As I've said before, I've always had a strict NOPE policy when it came to having kids. I've been anti-baby because I'm woefully unprepared to have kids, both mentally and financially. But, lately, the idea of having a little DNA copy of me running around and [hopefully] being awesome brings a stupid smile to my face. Instead of dreading having kids because they'll "tie me down," I'm looking forward to incorporating kids into travel and moving adventures, like my parents did with us. The sacrifices that come with kids now seem "loving" to me, instead of "fucking horrible and not worth it."

And now that I've become ok with having kids, the topic of reproducing is everywhere. Kinda like when you're really hungry but you're trying to eat healthy and all you see are ads for Double Bacon Cheeseburgers. It's even popping up in the unexpected places. The other night, I was babysitting my brother's kids, and Neve, my 4 year old niece, was "doing up" my hair (which includes spraying my hair with water, brushing it, tying it in knots, and pinning bows everywhere), and we had the following conversation:

Neve: I'm going to make you look like a grown up. Like my mommy.
Me: Well, ok...
Neve: You're a grown up when you have a baby. Mommy has babies. Aunt Mary is going to have a baby. 
Me: Yep, that's true.
Grey: Neve, Aunt Audrey is a grown up.
Neve: No, she has to have a baby first. When are you going to have a baby?
Me: ...

Seems like my clock can now be heard by the outside world.

Friday Night Selfie Hair Party
Better double up on the birth control.

1 comment:

Kim said...

Love it love it love it!!! Just remember, Momma always has the resources to finance your birth control. Or the resources to help out if the birth control fails.....

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