Posts From the Edge

Today at work was a particularly disheartening, soul ripping experience that makes me want to throw a chair out the window.

I was hired to do a marketing job. But today, it was made abundantly clear that I am nothing more than a personal assistant/Boss defuser. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if I felt like I was actually doing something, or learning something. But what I'm doing is digging around for paper work that's been mis-filed 4 years ago. And what I'm learning is how to panic whenever a problem comes up because if I take initiative, I'll get fussed at for doing it wrong and if I wait and ask for instructions, I'll get fussed at for not taking initiative. 

I've even grown to tolerate my boss, with his mood swings, his wildly inappropriate stories and comments, his bull-headed conservative views, his intense judgement, his tangent jumping segue-less speeches and his love for calling us in for meetings that revolve around looking at pictures of Stevie Nicks. And I love my coworkers--they're completely the shit and always make my day better.

But the pointlessness of the job has put a lot of wear and tear on me. After seven years and three job changes, I'm done with being an assistant in a field I have no interest in working in.

But then again, it's a better paycheck than most anything I could be doing around here. And as long as I have student loans, that will be my shining motivation to keep going in.

And speaking of student loans, I had a terrible dream last night that someone I went to college with wrote an article on how student loans were destroying the nation's economy, so Sallie Mae sent notice to all their loan holders saying the balance on all loans would be due within a week. I was a pot bellied pig farmer, and I was thusly forced to sell off all the piggies I had to a slaughter house because I didn't have enough money to pay all my loans. I had to load all the baby pigs into this skeezy truck, and they were all wearing sweaters for some reason (probably because they were babies and I LOVED THEM). All the while this group of people just stared at me like I was evil. 

GUYS I WAS HURTING THIS.

It was so sad. I woke up feeling so sad. And I felt guilty until lunch time. So sad.

This weekend will be one of those Audrey Vows to Move Her Life into the Awesome Lane Weekends.

Also, I've officially had my bangs for a week and I still can't get them to look as good as the stylist did. Wah.