Usually I watch all the Oscar nominated films and put way too much effort into Oscar pools before the big night, but this year, I barely know who's nominated.
I mean, from what I've heard, it's all American Hustle, and not even sneaking a Nalgene container filled with Mimosa into the theater made that movie enjoyable for me. I thought it was the cinematic equivalent of a half-chub. Blah. And I know Matthew McConaughey is nominated twice for Best Actor, but I think he deserves to win the special Oscar I've just come up with:
Best Actor Portraying Mostly Despicable Roles This Year and Yeah, I'd Still Hit That
Seriously. How does McConaughey play a 16 lb kinda scumbag AIDS patient with a pedophile mustache, a sleazy stock broker who'd most likely rape you in the bathroom of a nightclub and still come off as totally fuckable?
I'm pretty sure it's because, unlike traditional humans, he is a charisma, not carbon, based life form. And he breathes in oxygen and gives off carbon-di-all-ladies-take-your-panties-off. Enormous acting talent, aside, no one can deny that the man is pure sex. Maybe he'll win a Special Achievement in Creepy Asshole Characters.
But, speaking of McConaughey goodness, I'm blowing off the Oscars so I can finish watching True Detective. Holy shit. That show is incredible. And if you haven't started watching it, DO IT NOW OK.
Alright, I'm off to judge the dresses, which is the best part since the awards are mostly predictable and disappointing. And then I'll be watching True Detective. Which you should all be watching.
Happy Oscars, everyone!
(go watch True Detective)