Wednesday, May 8, 2013

Things I've Stopped Caring About

When I was younger, I had a lot of hard opinions on things that I felt were really important, but that actually had no consequence on the real world. I'd get all riled up telling people why caramel is the worst candy ever invented. Why motorcycles are for sex predators. How to make a perfect peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Why the song "I want it that way" by the Backstreet Boys is the worst pop song ever written.

Teaching girls to fall in love with ambiguous, indecisive dick bags since 1998.

But I've grown tired as I've gotten older, and I'm just like, molting convictions. I like it better this way. I mean, sure, give me one too many cocktails and I'll argue any topic to the point of obnoxiousness, but really, I try not give too much of a shit anymore. And I find not caring about little stuff that bugs me frees up my time... to focus on the big stuff that I straight up hate. ha.

So, here's a list of things that I no longer give a shit about:

1. Drinking more water. I used to hate drinking water. The tasteless taste annoyed me and never left me satisfied. And the idea of drinking regular tap water almost made me vomit. If my only beverage choice was water, I'd go without. And I endured a lot of dehydration spells as a result. But now that I'm grown I'm basically drowning in water. How did I exist before?

2. Breast size. Meh. I used to agonize about my small breasts, and I'd dream about the day when I could afford augmentation. But now, for the most part, I could give a shit. Small boobs allow me to wear cute dresses and buy tops that cheaper because they're child sized. I wish I could tell younger Audrey to stop stressing it, and that wits and a sense of humor can get you just as far as a voluptuous rack.

3. Not knowing how to cook. I used to be adamant about not cooking. I grew up with a family full of great cooks, so I just naturally assumed I'd be an eater forever. But a few years ago, I learned that cooking is science. Cooking is magic. Cooking is just amazing. Coincidentally, I have gained approximately 800 lbs since my first batch of bolognese and my first round of old fashioned cupcakes.

4. Judging people by their music taste. I used to be hardcore about only being friends with people who were into rock music. Now, I don't give a shit. Sometimes I have Wilson Phillips and Led Zeppelin and Death Cab for Cutie and Justin Timberlake and Wu-Tang on the same mix. I'm all about music just being a fun time now. Except for Island music. and Country.There's not enough booze in the world to get me into those genres.

*side note: I still judge people by their movie taste. This will never change.

5. Clothing Brands.  When I was younger, you wouldn't catch me in a brand that wasn't Jnco. Or anything that was carried by Pacific Sunwear. I swore by it. If people in my close circle showed up to lunch in an Aeropostale shirt, I'd wonder how good friends we really were. Now, if it's $3 and at Goodwill and it's my taste, it's in my cart--whether or not it's Hollister or American Eagle or Wal-Mart or garbage. Style is style, and nowadays, I wear what I like. And sometimes, the trendy shit is spot on. Like these unicorn swim suit bottoms. (QUICK SOMEONE GIVE ME $35)

6. Going out to eat/Going to see movies by myself. I used to see people rollin' solo to movies and restaurants, and it'd break my heart. I couldn't imagine being so lonely. Now, taking myself out is one my favorite past times. And it's not lonely. Being happy, in public, in your own company, is pretty fulfilling.

Having all the perspective that comes with being an adult is pretty great.

But that Backstreet Boys song still sucks.


Kim said...

Tell me why, ain't nothin' but a heartache
Tell me why, ain't nothin' but a mistake
Tell me why, I never wanna hear you say
I want it that way


PetuniaTomcat said...

Welcome to the "adult" club, haha. Great stuff here. Though I still judge everyone, mainly based on wit and humor, though.

Lancey Pants said...

Clearly those Panty-corns need to be sported at the lake party

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