Thursday, May 2, 2013

Let's all make a list of First World Problems


Here's a list of my current First World Catastrophies:

  • Luke warm showers with inadequate water pressure. This is a day mangler. "Oh hey, let me start the day off right, by standing under the shower head while it kinda spits warm water at me."
  • Cold calling. I take 6 months to return phone calls to people I know. Cold calling is excruitiating.
  • When  you're waiting to fill your car with gas at a busy gas station, and the person at the pump goes inside to buy something without moving their car to the parking lot. way to clog up the pumps, jerk.
  • How leaving the house 5 minutes later than usual results in sitting in 60 minutes of traffic. I don't get you, Northern Virginia.
  • Allergies. I don't know what's worse, the fogginess and headaches from allergies, or the fogginess and stomach ache I get from anti-histamines.
  • The theory of relativity. Why can't shitty time fly by faster than enjoyable time? I'd love for hours at work to zip by as fast hours not at work.
  • Opening a packet of Chik-Fil-A sauce and dropping it, losing 90% it to the kitchen floor gods. WHY, CRUEL WORLD.
  • Bills. I realized today that I have the same relationship with bills that most people do with their chilldren. They're my #1 priority. They're the reason I keep taking jobs I have no interest in but pay well. I plan my life and schedule around them. I blame them for all my problems. Some of them I got by "accident," even though I knew what I was getting myself into at the moment of their conception. 
  • Acronyms that don't spell out a word, so you have to say each individual letter, and it's more cumbersome than saying the acronized phrase. "Do you have the report for the BCMS3 LPTFCB?" "que?" 

Ah. Actually, I feel better now. I'm going to go read about starving children in third world countries so I can get some perspective.

*Fun Fact, but did you know that the USA PATRIOT act is an acronym? Uniting and Strengthening America by Providing Appropriate Tools Required to Intercept and Obstruct Terrorism. uh huh.

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