Terrible Tuesday

Yesterday morning:

7:30: Wake up late. It's cold. I miss cross-over chat times with Joel. Indiscernibly sad mood.

7:45: call from my brother. Huge Bummer.

8:30: Am almost moved to tears by a touching article in the Washington Post about my friend Lizzie's wedding that I attended last month. Start thinking of Kristin and Tyler's wedding that was just featured on Capital Romance. Brimming with feels.

8:55: call from doctor.

"The results from your ultrasound came back and there are some, uh, suspicious looking spots on your liver and your right kidney."

"Uh, suspicious?"

"Yeah, it could be a cyst, or kidney stones, but we can't be sure. I've talked with a few other doctors here and we think the best course of action is to get a cat scan. Are you still in pain?"

"Yes, it's still on the right side and in my back."

"Ok, well, let's get the cat scan done as soon as possible."

A bunch of mumbles and squeaks from me later, and she gives me the name of the office to call and says she'll call me back with the order number.

9:00: I've been sick for over a month. The antibiotics didn't help. "Suspicious spots." Thoughts of cancer/cirrhosis/tumors/cysts/every bad health decision I've made is flashing through my mind. "could be a cyst." Start to panic.

9:05: Supervisor comes to ask me a question, I burst into hysterical tears.

9:07: Supervisor sends me home.

9:27: Get home, recycling trash can is missing from my front yard.
"*%$#"

9:30: Favorite sweat pants have cat barf on them. IN THE LAUNDRY BASKET.

9:45: Schedule cat scan.
"Alright, you are pre-registered and your authorization is under-way. And you have a $200 copay."
"Two hundred?"
"Yes ma'am."
"*%$#"

10:30: Need to distract myself. Start first episode of Bridezillas.

Noon: Debate ordering pizza. Mom offers to pay for it. I order pizza.

12:30: Eat pizza out of the box while laying in bed alone, in sweat pants, and watching Bridezillas. Sad Cat Lady dream: Achieved.

1 PM: Outlook on life begins to improve. Pizza is magical.


What a morning--all before I had a cup of coffee. I'm glad my supervisor let me go home and I'm glad I had friends to vent to and Joel to Skype with and my mom to be there for me and provide me with pizza magic. But, yeah. Jeez.

I saw my doctor later that day when I picked up a prescription, and she explained the possibilities a little more, and how it's natural to feel startled when you get news like this. I felt better. But, I'm still really scared that something horrible is going to come from the cat scan. I mean, I feel I'm just getting my life together. This is the part where Life is supposed to bust in and say "HEEEEEY..."

BUT, I'm trying really hard to keep positive "it's just a cyst" thoughts. And positive "it's just a kidney stone and here's the procedure that will eliminate the pain" thoughts.

So yeah. Until then, though, stay tuned.