First Halloween of the Rest of My Life

it's been a sobering Halloween so far.

For one, the niece and nephew I held as new borns are now old enough to pick out their own costumes and ask for their own candy. For another, it really doesn't seem that long ago that Cara and I were trick or treating, and I just saw pictures of her kid in a dinosaur suit. I don't know. It doesn't make me feel old, or grown up, but just growing old.


[now, I'm pretty damn sure this wouldn't be affecting me as much if not EVERY woman I knew was pregnant or getting married. Jeebus, it was an eventful summer for everyone but me.]

Second, I had to do all kinds of adulty things today like take some money of out my retirement account to pay for my car fixins, and I had to put my Netflix account on hold since after paying rent, I'm officially flat broke. Yes, I know, it was my decision to make 3 expensive trips to VA on my lightest paycheck ever. Whatev's, they were worth it. 

BUT. It's ok that I'm flat broke. Because NaNoWriMo starts tomorrow! And now I have no excuse not to succeed. I've attempted NaNo every year since 2007. I have failed for the following reasons:

-room needed re-arranging
-boy problems
-failing my STAT class
-crippling self-loathing
-the GRE
-rush hour traffic
-"Writer's Group" meetings that ended up being "Audrey Drinking Wine and Gossiping" meetings
-nothing good on Netflix
-car problems
-bad hair day

All legit reasons. HOWEVER. As of yesterday,

-our entire apartment is ordered to my satisfaction (for the time being)
-I'm in an awesome relationship (Trash TV & Tea Time, whatup)
-I'm not taking STAT (nor will I ever again) (ps. I totally passed)
-funneling it into my book!
-grad school is for losers (I want to be a loser)
-I have a 7.5 minute drive
-well... this I still have to work on
-I know how to dig for TV on the internet now!
-I'm too broke to drive anywhere!
-my hair's pretty awesome nowadays. I mean, I think I have until December my de-markation turns from ombre to straight into white trash.

Audrey Straight-Up Pro-Tip: Don't spend lots of money on ombre treatments at salons. Just go in once for bold streaks, and then launch yourself into abject poverty so you can't afford to get your roots touched up. And when people ask where you got your hurr did, tell them someone in New York did it. Simple and fashion forward.

So starting tomorrow, I'll be walking to and from work (except on rainy mornings), writing 1700 words a day blog not included, and generally working on self-betterment.

I'll check back with you in a week when I'm back to the status-quo of snotty-I-hate-everything-and-I-can't-write mode. It'll be awesome.

Oh, and in the tradition of Firsts, I came home and found Addie curled up in bed wearing a sweater, mumbling I'm sick.

Hooray, it's the beginning of the cold and flu season!

It's also the first time he's had a cold in the 4 years I've known him. So I've been treating him the way I like to be treated when I'm sick--coddling him and asking him every ten minutes if he needs anything. But also I'm nagging him to wear a scarf and a hat when he takes Bart out.

And I'm pretty sure he's ready to kick me out of the apartment until he's better.

So this is an interesting lesson. I need enough varieties of medication to knock out an elephant, in addition to lots of love, attention, tea and chicken ramen to get over being sick; whereas Addie needs thera-flu, football and his PS3.

Good to know.

Also, I made a modern day tapas. You can only have so many glasses of wine ruined by a stray gnat landing in it before you take action. (action also includes pouring ammonia down all the sink drains)

class-e

Thanks, Mom

I just noticed something scary on the followers portion of my blog:

....mom?

why is this so terrifyingly familiar... 

AGHH!!

Ohhhhhhh mom. You rat bastard.

It's almost as good as when she set up Josh's shakra doll outside of the bathroom so it'd be waiting for me with extended arms and a dazed look on its face. Or when she dared Josh to, a year later, hide the same doll in my bed. The doll was 3 ft tall and had shakra lines drawn all over it. And they thought it was hysterical to hear me shriek and have convulsions because I was 100% sure the doll would come alive and murder me. Who cares if I was 25 when this happened.

It was horrifying in that truly OH HOLY GOD sense.

My family....

Gettin All Amrrrka Up in Here

Guess who stayed up waaaaaaay too early into Sunday morning dipping tasty treats in vanilla chocolate while gossiping and watching Captain America?

my camera could not adequately capture the deliciousness

That's right, we did.

And while I was more disappointed in Captain America than I thought I'd be, the tasty delicious treats where right on target.

peanut butter-graham cracker sandwich dipped in vanilla chocolate? yes plz.

And now it's time for the finale of Project Runway, since Addie and I are apparently having some kind of estrogen explosion weekend.

Bart is not a fan of Estrogen Explosion Weekend

First Settled Week

It's been a quiet week here at Camp Firsts. But I'll go ahead and bullet this out since the little things that did happen, happened with no logical order or segue.

And you know. Bullet points are awesome.

Monday:

• Day 1 of On The Job Training with my boss and my new office manager. aka, Day 1 of Information Overload in ADD City (my boss can't tell a story without leaping onto every Tangent Train that passes through the station. Kinda exactly like me when I've had too much to drink)
• went on a Target/Best Buy/Harris Teeter adventure with Addie
• did precisely 1% of the cleaning I needed to
• participated in Project: Taco Time Sunday Party, the Monday Episode
• re-invigorated by Taco Nutrition, decided to finish the remaining 99% of cleaning 
• blogged
• passed out

Tuesday

• work scramble continues
• ate the best hot carved ham sandwich of my life (seriously, Mountain Deli makes the best, freshest, luscious sandwiches in the world. And they sell antiques in the shop. And it doesn't hurt that the new sandwich guys are really hot)
• finally re-arranged my desk nook in a way that I really like. Now I just need a proper light system and a better chair and I'll be good to go
• organized all my jewelry in my new super sweet, badass $10.00 antique jewelry box while catching up on Boardwalk Empire (look at me simultaneously checking things off my to-do list!)

3 boxes have now become 1

• reveled in  having all my jewelry in one place for the first time ever
• was further unable to reconcile my strange love for Steve Buschemi (I've been in awkward, fidgety love with him since the 8th grade)

yes please. /awkward

• looked at http://chickswithstevebuscemeyes.tumblr.com/ for much longer than necessary
• blogged
• watched Red State with Addie, finally. It was a *completely* different movie than I thought it would be. It showed true potential to be awesome... Two other loves of my life, Kyle Gallner and Michael Angarano are in it. But it had a lot of exposition that dragged it down, and some Kevin Smith style that made most of the serious dialogue sound silly. It was definitely his most stylistic attempt (even if it did feel like the Cohen Bros gave him notes on scene composition). All in all, I'd watch it again.
• passed out

Wednesday

•  had my monthly sit down with myself about how NEXT MONTH YOU WILL BE BETTER followed by the monthly sit down with myself about how AND THIS MONTH YOU WILL STICK TO IT
•  let Addie take me out for .35 wing night (which is fast becoming a weekly ritual. For $8, I get 2 beers and 8 pretty good, large size chicken wings. And the bar staff is really cool and Shelby and her friends hang out there, too. I'm down.)
• finished another 30-40% of cleaning/rearranging
• passed out

Thursday

• met my boss at his dermatologist's office. We were at lunch a few weeks ago when my boss was like OH GOD GET THAT THING REMOVED I'LL PAY FOR IT and before I knew it, I had an appointment with his dermatologist. The mole thing has never bothered me, and according to every doctor I've seen, it's harmless. And I've grown accustomed to it. But my mom hassles me about things like "skin cancer" so I figured, just take it off.

• while I was there, I had the Doc look at a mole on my boob. He was like "Uh, it has two red  flags, so we'll take it off and have it bi-opsied." I'm not worried. I've had scary looking moles removed before and they've all been benign. But I was a little bummed out. I liked the mole. It gave my small boob some character. It's weird to become attached to things like moles. But it's better safe than sorry. And it'll still have character, since there will now be a pale, divet scar on the boob. And now I get to say "my boss paid for some young blonde dude to man-handle and disfigure my boob." 
• ate something like, 14 donuts
• ran away from a giant brown recluse AND a giant spider cricket in the garage
• Addie had to work all night, so I had the place to myself. I felt motivated, so I opened a highly anticipated bottle of wine and watched paranormal activity 1 and 2 while I called and talked at people for an hour or so (woo, feeling chatty)
• Found some awesome motivation buried somewhere, and scoured the kitchen. Then I did some re-decorating. I switched some art around, re-arranged my book shelf, moved some knick nacks, moved some things around in the kitchen. Felt good about it.
• As I was sitting on my futon, painting my toe nails, watching the Office, and drinking wine in my mostly put away apartment, it suddenly hit me: This place is my home. I feel like I'm home. Maybe it had something to do with the big Fight/Airing of Grievances we had and all the time I've spent in VA this month. Maybe it had to do with the bright orange and red leaves on all the trees and the cider spice candle burning next to me and the fuzzy booties on my feet. But I felt happy. Like, good and solid. And I realized I've felt happy, good and solid for the last week or so, more so than I have since April. Not gonna lie, it was pretty exhilarating

everything's going to be ok

• Almost posted a tipsy blog ranting about the extreme lack of hilarity that is Whitney. and it devolved into some bitchy, pseduo-feminist ramble. But blogger didn't save it, and I can't remember it, so it's lost in the wind. That's probably for the best.
• ate pasta
• passed out

Friday: 

• performed a huge overhaul on my office at work, re-arranging and re-ordering things. I can't wait to get back on Monday and finish putting things in order, which should be easy considering my boss won't be there and I'll be 90% distraction free
• It was cold and raining, so we couldn't make it out to the Haunted Farm as planned. So we had swanky Thai food at the swanky Thai place. It's probably the best Pad Thai I've had. Mmmm.
• While we were gone, Bart was a bad dog. 

ohhhhh Bart.

and spent the rest of the night in a diabetic coma

side note: we really need to get a dust ruffle or something

It's amazing that he only ate one package. But then again, it was dark chocolate, and gross dark chocolate at that (someone at work gave it to me). So I understand. 

Saturday

• woke up from a dream where I swallowed like, a hundred Vicodin and was sitting there, feeling my liver explode. Except I was all loopy and gitty from the Vicodin that it felt like my insides were turning into velvet and I was melting from the inside out. But then I saw my torso turning purple, blue and black and I knew I was dying but everything felt so beautiful and soft. So I closed my eyes, saw black for a bit, and woke up. So. Damn. Weird. 
• I've been writing and blogging and drinking Pumpkin Spice Coffee and catching up on Dexter 
• I'm vaguely thinking of retiring my Fat Pants in November to see if it encourages Self Betterment
• I'm mad I'm not watching snow fall like everyone in Virginia, but it is like pretty damn cold out here.
• This is the first Saturday in October that I don't have plans or have to be somewhere. It's nice.

Good Things

My nook may look like this...

and my to-do list may keep growing like this...

and my bank account may look like this...

and my NaNoWriMo planning might be this far behind...

and my work load may look like this...

But it's ok.

Because I have this scarf to remind me of our awesome Harry Potter Nights and make me super happy...

And I have this to walk through...

And these guys to come home to...

And everything is great and awesome again.

Time for movie night :)

First Gala

This past Saturday was Inova's Annual Celebration of Excellence Gala! Addie couldn't get off work (and there may have been something about not being able to get a tux made out of sweat suit material), so I tagged along with Shelby for a Girl's weekend of fabulous.

And indeed, much fabulousness was had.

hey hey, Shelby!

This is what it looks like when I remember to shower

 And there was much swankiness

(even a swanky studded clutch)

 

 

 

 

only the classiest of joints put Orchids and French Fried Onions in their salads

The Secretary of Health took this for us. Just sayin.

 And a Kool & the Gang concert...

Hollywooooooooooooood

Shelby, the fan girl

You've never seen an older, whiter crowd tying to get down

I liked everything about the gala. From nailing down an emergency hair appointment to give me beautiful big ass curls (which stayed in for over 36 hours Thank you Hair Spray), to rubbing elbows with the super rich and obscurely famous, to sitting at the head table with a Senator, the Secretary of Health, to eating mysterious fish and beef, to hi-fiving the President of BB&T, to dancing and sweating to the point of nausea, everything was really great and so much fun. 


We were right beside the table which sat the Dean of George Mason, but I had an unfortunate bout of shyness all night, and when I finally manned up to go say hello, he was gone. Sigh. 

I'm not sure what the shyness was about. Probably from my incessant inner monologue of "hey Over Indulgent Audrey--how about you don't make an ass out of yourself in front of your boyfriend's father and colleagues--even if there is an open bar." I mean, Lord knows how I've embarrassed myself, my country and my family when I was younger (or like, last month). And thank god only the ushers were in the dining room when I accidentally pulled a chair down with my coat sleeve. Grace and elegance: my raison d'etre.


So the gala was awesome, but I think my favorite parts were driving and gettin' real with Shelby. I had no idea we had so much in common, or that I was capable of just gabbing for 9 hours straight, and then 9 hours again when we drove home. My throat still hurts from all the talking, but still, good times. :)

And speaking of good times, I got to see these beasts one more time before I ditch them until Christmas:

Ellie sleeps...

Lucy waits...

And there was the fanciest Project: Taco Time Sunday Party waiting for me when I got home last night, which was all kinds of wonderful:

I say "fanciest" because we actually used a serving dish that wasn't tupperware or reynolds wrap. Oh and Addie made lime-cilantro rice, black beans, and spicy ground beef. And I say "Project" because we watched Project Runway. Because we're winners, through and through.

Work is still in transition and probably will be for the next few months. I have a feeling I'll be drained and exhausted by January, but hey. It'll get better. The new girls are sassy, my boss is being patient (for the time being) and I have a bunch of new earrings to wear. That should will help.

I also have an acute case of narcolepsy, as I started to write this half an hour ago with the energy of a ferret, and I'm already falling asleep at my desk. Time to put on the fat pants and sleep it off. 

First October-Faire

So October weekend #2 in VA was lovely and semi-productive and filled with WEDDING PLANNING.

Basically, it boiled down to...

long car rides

seriously awesome nieces

serious dress shopping

terrifying, Big Head zombie pictures with Mary

my dad's awesome tie

"You make me feel like I am living a tan-ger-ine dream When you try me on"

hanging out with the Duchess of of York

watching Neve have way too much fun trying on dresses

farm fresh preserves and crackers: new favorite hangover food

finding creepy business cards in desk drawers ("I vill sell you haus. Zen punch you in za face with zis violin")

OMG BABY PIGGIES

CLOSE UP BABY PIGGIE EVEN CUTER

hangin'out with Spruce-Loose-MaGroose, or Roos's Gooses, or Lucy.

cuddling with the only cat I love

wine nights!

stand-still traffic at 11 PM on a Monday night. My God I don't miss this.

getting way too excited about buying Old People Things (board games, sauce dishes, preserves, soap, infused-tea tea pots...)

Addie's really excited about his new sauce tray. It is pretty awesome. I'm dying over the ladles.

Other, non-pictorial high lights:

-being surrounded by hilarious, wine drinking women talking about weddings will made me spend my month's entertainment budget on too much wine on one dinner. Whoops...
 
-my 2 year old niece literally danced around the bridal salon in the flower girl dresses she picked out, and demanded to wear her snow boots with tights and a corduroy skirt. It was cuteness overload, and came dangerously close to killing my "no little Audrey's" rule.

-HOWEVER. With that said, baby piglets are the probably the cutest things ever.

-HOWEVER AGAIN. A baby piglet's shriek is the scariest sound in the world. Addie's little sister Leah picked one up and it got really upset. And the shriek will continue to haunt my dreams.

-I'm not sure if I ever want to get married, but I am absolutely 100% positive that I want to go wedding dress shopping. SO MANY GORGEOUS GOWNS. It was so much fun, and Mary was so happy in her dress, I swear to god her smile lit up Alfred Angelo. Also, I saw Leah in her dress [via email] and she was glowing like the sun. (did I mention it was a very wedding-tastic weekend?) Now all I want to do is try on gowns.

-When you want to try on gowns, don't put on your old prom dresses as a substitute. It will require two people to zip you into them and then you will look like you're 3 months pregnant. Pregnant with a wine vat. Lovely. Will soon invest in personal trainer.

-Addie wants me to mention that he had Chipotle, 2 strawberry milkshakes, and Lo's chinese food (on 3 different nights), which makes this the best Virginia trip ever.


-Everyone should have a weekend where they don't brush their hair once and sleep every chance they get and basically live like a burly animal. It's fantastic.



There was an upset at work, and my supervisor is no longer working with us. It's totally sad for me, because she's awesome and going in and shootin' the shit with her was definitely a high light of my day. But, at the same time, it's totally awesome for her, because she is meant for bigger and better things and a boss who won't use her as a punching bag. So we'll see how it works out with the new girls, since I'm still kind of a newbie, and they're definitely newbies.

*fingers crossed that my job remains awesome*

This is pretty much the month of Virginia. On Friday, I'm heading  up there with Shelby to go to INOVA's annual gala. My first gala. I'm beyond excited :D And I probably haven't spent this much money on gas since January.

Alright, time for writing and fat pants... which might need to be retired soon*.

*yeah that definitely won't happen.